Still Not Feelin' It

It's been three or four days now since this draggy stuff hit me again.  I did 55 minutes and just didn't want to run anymore.  Gonna see through it.  Gotta fight the urge to quit.

Distance: 2.45 miles
Calories: 319
Incline: 11
Time: 55 minutes

Also did disk #2 of P90X and Ab Ripper X.  Tonight began three minutes.  It's surprising how much longer 60 seconds is.

Still Groggy

I'm still dragging tonight.  52 minutes.  I think I'm going to take tomorrow off and not try to do anything.  I need to sort this out.

Distance: 2.15
Calories: 280
Incline: 10 min

I did disk #1 and Ab Ripper X.  Monday starts three minutes.

Where Did My Energy Go?

Totally sapped tonight.  I feel like a zombie.  I did 49 minutes and just had to quit.  My mind was checked out and my body was like lead.  I've been trying to eat more calories to help fuel these extra workouts.  Looks like that may not be the answer.  I don't know what to do now.  Really frustrated.  Seem to get so weak sometimes.

Distance: 1.95 miles
Calories: 253

I did 2 minutes of disk 11 and Ab Ripper tonight.

Done With School, Starting the Job Search

School ends for me on Monday.  I've actually been looking for a job for over a year, but not looking to get one.  I've been looking at what's out there.  Frankly, I haven't seen anything.  I interviewed for a few IT positions here locally through the schools.  What a mess that was.  I took their aptitude tests, jumped through all their hoops and got an e-mail that I "didn't fit the interview criteria."

My friend seems to think I'm overqualified for the jobs.  I disagree.  I think I need to find one company somewhere that will give me experience.  After that, if I want to move I can.

No Smashed Records Tonight

Kind of an anticlimactic (is that how that word is spelled?) evening.  After smashing my new records two nights in a row I thought for sure I'd be able to make the third time charm.  'Twas not to be.  I think I tried to run to early in the day after running until 8:00 the night before.  It was less that 24 hours I was breaking through to 80 minutes.  I wanted to get the run over with so I could watch some TV and work on school work.  Four days left!

I only made it to 60 on the first round.  I was so disappointed I increased my speed back up at 3 minute intervals and was able to catch up with my record from last night, but definitely didn't break it.  I made it to 114 minutes on the second round and quit at 5.07 miles and 658 calories.  I came back later, found my place and finished out the last 20 minutes at a good jog.

Total run time: 133 minutes
First round: 60
Incline: 8
Calories: 800
Distance: 6.16

Also did disc #10 and Ab Ripper X for two minutes each.  I'll be ready to add a minute in three days.

Next!

I have been doing two things since I started back running again.  I drink a glass of orange juice before I run and after I run I drink a protein drink.  It's a Bolthouse Farms Protein drink either the Mango or the Coffee.  It seems to be fixing that emptied out feeling I've been having able two thirds through my runs.  Beat yesterday's time by a whole minute tonight!

I didn't beat the old record of 86 minutes on the first round, but I made it to 80--sort of a new old record.  I started the week with a first round of 72 minutes.  That means I'm averaging a shave each day of two minutes.  I also beat my overall time to 800 with a new record of 133 minutes.

174.8 Pounds this morning!  That's five pounds down from that scary place I was on Sunday (179+).  Had to have been water weight from my period.  Phew.  My goal for this next year is another 50 pounds.  Wouldn't 125 pounds be cute on my 5'4" figure?  I'd be una chica caliente.

Overall time to 800: 133 min
First round: 80
Incline: 7
Distance: 6.16 miles
P90X: 2 minutes

I need to add ten minutes to my first round before I can start counting down to switching to five minutes.  I added two minutes to yesterday, so maybe I will finally beat the six minute intervals by Tuesday next week.  Then I have to do six days beating it before I can progress to five minute intervals.  It may seem a little confusing, but not to me and that's what matters.

I also did two minutes of disc 9 and Ab Ripper X.  My legs were kind of tired for all those jumping jacks.  Uggh.  Two minutes of Ab Ripper is about all I can do.  Going out for dinner on Saturday.  I was hoping the whole Ab thing would begin to show, but it doesn't seem to be making much of a difference only 8 days into the new regime.

The Way He Looked At Her

I was with friends this past weekend and I saw the most beautiful thing.  I saw a man look at his wife with so much love it gave me goosebumps.  He looked at her and loved her with his eyes.  I couldn't take my eyes off him for a moment.  I wonder what that feels like.  To see that look in someone's eyes for me and only me.

78 Minutes!

I made it 78 minutes tonight.  I started the run hoping for 76, but when I got there I told myself I wanted 78 instead of 76 and it worked.  I wish I had that mental strength all the time.  I still weighed 176 this morning.  I wish I could break through this plateau I've been on losing the same six or seven pounds over and over.

Total time: 132 Minutes
First round: 78 minutes
Distance: 6.16 miles
Calories: 800
Incline: 6 minutes

Also did two minutes of disc #8 Core Synergistics and Ab Ripper X.  I think I'm really going to like disc 8 as the weeks go by.  Looking forward to my graduation get together with good friends and good times at a nice little restaurant.  I'm done with school in less than a week.  After five years, it's almost over!  Woo Hoo!

I am less than a mile short of my distance goal of 7 miles for the Seven Mile Bridge Run.  When I make it to seven miles, it will really be time to start narrowing down the time.  Hoping that in the month of September, I can see that last mile tacked on.

Movin Up!

Tonight I moved up a minute on the P90X discs to two minutes.  I did number 7 which was thankfully X Stretch and felt s-o-o-o good!  Ab Ripper added the backward bicycle and a few of the frogs.  I was really feeling it on the sides for some reason.  I'll take that.  My run was not very successful, but I'm forgiving myself on days when I just don't feel like it.  I've got time.  At least I'm up and moving, right?

My weight was 176 this morning.  Having been at 178 or so yesterday, I'm hoping this is water still hanging around from all the junk food.  I had a pancake for breakfast yesterday and three pancakes for breakfast on Saturday.  I also went out for lunch.  Need to concentrate on eating the right things for running.

I made it a whopping 4.79 miles and burned 623 calories tonight.  Not the best, but I ran and added 2 minutes to my first round (74 minutes).

Another Great Workout!

I don't mind saying I ran my butt off tonight!  So excited.  I broke the 800 calorie mark by 138 minutes.  That shaves 4 minutes off my old time two days ago.  Woo hoo!

Distance: 6.16 miles
Incline: 4 min
Calories: 800
Time to 800 Calories: 138 min

I am still putting on weight.  I am up to 179.  That means I have gained 11 pounds since April.  I felt it in my clothes today.  The size 14 pants I bought to go to an interview were a little snug around the mid section.  Hopefully the P90X Ab Ripper workout is going to start chiseling on those abs.  Tonight was Disc #7 and Ab Ripper X.  Last night to do one minute.  Tomorrow I will do disc #8 but add a minute to the workout.

Workin' Through It

I didn't want to run tonight, but I felt like I could walk, so I got on the treadmill and did 55 minutes.  I burned 296 calories.  Not the 800, but I did something.  I have to practice forgiveness and know that I am not going to have a perfect night of running every night.

Did my P90X workout.  Can't seem to decide on how I want to tackle the discs.  One minute at a time, two minutes at a time.  School is over in 8 days.  My husband told me I can work out all day after that if I choose.  Ha ha.  He doesn't realize I plan on going back to riding my bike around the lake hopefully three mornings a week.

I want to lose another 50 pounds.  I want to be a size 8.  I want to be in the single digits.  I want to weigh 120.

Rockin' 800

Disc 5 and Ab Ripper X out of the way.  One minute each, but I discovered there are more discs than I thought.  There are 11 discs.  I want to do them all.  I decided to step my work out up to 2 minutes on each disc.  We'll see where that takes me.

Intervals: 6 minute
Incline: 2
Time to 800 calories: 139 minutes

A little surprised it took me longer to get to the 800 calorie mark when I ran six minutes longer today than yesterday.

I've been starving.  My stomach is growling and I get so hungry in the middle of a run all I can think about is stopping my run to eat.  I did.  I ate two slices of swiss cheese.  My weight is creeping up a bit as well.  I've gained a solid nine pounds since my last race.  I've been eating food leftover from a church picnic.  Hot dogs, chips, soda . . .  I suppose I no longer need to look into that.  ha ha.

New Month New Goals

August is here and school is almost over for me.  I've started back to work on P90X and set some new goals.  One of which is 800 calories a work out!  It a lot ends up being a little over 6 miles.  Since my goal is seven miles for the race next year, I'd say that's the way to go.

Stayed with the six minute intervals because I haven't beat it yet.  I made it to the 60 minute mark before I quit quit and walked again.

Time to 800 calories: 138

Disc 4 and Ab Ripper X: 1 minute each

AWESOME Workout!!

I did an incline today until 49 minutes flattened out and ran for 11 minutes then went back to an incline.  I ran uphill for one minute.  I finished the 700 calories tonight in 119 minutes.  That is under the two hour goal.  My best time on 700 calories was 114 back on July 10.  Tomorrow starts my new 800 calories goal.

Total time: 119 minute
Total Calories: 700
Incline time: 49 + 36

I also did one minute each of disc 3 and Ab Ripper X.  I'm so happy to be back doing P90X.  I don't need anyone that doesn't need me and I don't need the right now.  I'd like to return to the gym.  I liked it so much.  I will reward myself when I lose another 30 pounds.  We'll round it off and say when I hit 140 lbs I get to go to the gym.

A Good Day to Return

I did my 700 calories for the first time in two weeks.  I took way too long, but I did it and that's all that matters.

It took me 138:25 minutes to get to 700 calories.  I did 48 minutes at an incline, the last time I ran, I did 49, so that's not much lost.  I don't know anything else about the run because I forgot to write it down when I made it to the 90 minute mark.  I even forgot to figure up the extra calories for the incline which I think was somewhere around 100.

I did one minute of disk 2 of P90X and one minute of Ab Ripper X.

Thinkin' About P90X

I did not get back to running on the 25th as I had written.  This last class has been very time consuming.  It's not difficult, but learning a new language comes with a lot of practice.  In addition, it's been tough to recover from a few all nighters  I had trying to get those skirts sewn for the dance troupe. 

After I wrote the journal entry Maybe She's Not That Into You.  I realized it was eating at me a little, all the cutesy posts between her and her new buddies.  I suppose I should say "new" buddies.  They're the ones she had all along while I was her "project."  I was her project.  The one she was trying to fix.  Oh well.  It was eating at me a little.  I decided to turn it into action.  I'm going back to P90X, but as with everything else, I'm taking it at my own pace.  I'm doing the minute thing with it as well.  Today I did exactly one minute of disc 1 and Ab Ripper X.  You can do that thing with you tongue, or suck your teeth, or hiss.  This is what works for me.  Tomorrow I will do one minute of disc 2 and Ab Ripper X.  When I've made it through all the discs I will step it up to two minutes through all the discs.  If you want to make fun of me do it on your own time.

No More eBay Selling For Me

I wanted to try another round of selling items on eBay with the new billing cycle and my first free 50, but when I was cleaning up a room today and vacuuming around the bins of clothes and piles of books that didn't sell for pennies more than shipping I realized this is going to be another one of my fails.  Epic fail because I tried to make money on eBay for months.  To this day, I'm not so sure I made more than maybe a couple hundred bucks and that's generous.  Not much more than I would have made on a single afternoon hosting a garage sale.  I will not be encouraging anyone that asks me about the experience to try the process.  I kept meticulous records, followed my sales and what I ended up with was a fiasco of fees and shipping and crap laying around my house for months and months.

As I box up the left over things to take to a charity, I realize that eBay is not what it used to be.  Maybe it never was?  As I said in a previous post, it's high volume, low profit margin.  Unless and that a big unless you have that one item that sells for a crazy amount, You'd be better off to just tote the junk to a charity event and let someone else fool with it.

Anyone that is making five figures on eBay is doing six figure transactions and has a full time staff.  This is not the miracle wage earner that some would like to make us believe it is. 

Ten Days Away . . . Again

My life got in the way of exercising.  Ten days later I'm lucky enough to have not gained any weight, but I lost some time in that I could have been working on this six minute interval goal I've been trying for.  The first of the month is just around the corner.  I spend a month trying to break through this six minute interval goal.  Tonight I will try to get back on the treadmill.  I've had some pretty hard to swallow failures this month.  It will be nice to set a goal and get back at this.

Spare Change, Pal?

Well my husband had an opportunity to  make some money on Friday (19th).  He didn't say anything to me about it when he got home.  He didn't get out a deposit slip or give me a check.  He didn't tell me how much he made.  He didn't anything.  Two things have happened.  Either he didn't get paid yet, or, he's going to hold on to this money as well.  Whatever his actions end up as I will know if the whole idea of losing me like he thought he might a few years ago has worn off.  It probably wore off a long time ago.  The fact that he did the whole Coin Show thing shows me he's just a selfish little boy.  It wasn't even a "it's easier to ask forgiveness than to get permission" kind of thing.  It was him wanting to spend money at the coin show.  Like a little boy, if it gets him what he wants, it's not wrong.

Please.  I want a man.

Ebay Debaucle Continues

Here's another tip for aspiring eBay sellers.  The statement dates are basically the 15th to the 15th and advertising months are considered 1 - 30th or 31st, adding a an additional layer of fog to the eBay selling process.  I purposefully posted only 50 items this month beginning July 3.  Those 50 items were over by July 10.  I sold one pair of pants for $13.  Those 50 items were listed "free" of charge.  My statement for the June 15 - July 15 is $5.60.

Because I already posted my "free" 50 items on July 1, so get in sync with the billing cycle, I believe that means I can't post again until August 15.  Why?  Even thought August 1 begins a new month and means I can post 50 items "free" it also means it will be on this billing statement that began four days ago.

Scam.

Maybe She's Just Not That Into You

Today I realized someone I thought was a very good friend and I have drifted apart.  It's kind of sad because it wasn't anything either one of us did.  We were spending a lot of time together.  I really thought we were gonna make it.  We're not.  I know I sound like a teenager, but I'm really starving for a healthy friendship and I thought, well, as I already said, I thought we were gonna make it.

I found out today that she has gone back to doing something we used to do together with someone new.  I wish I could ask her if she quit to wait me out.  I wish I could ask her if she asked anyone if they'd seen me.  I hate facebook.  If I hadn't poked around and seen a post about it I probably would have gone on in ignorant bliss, but maybe it's for the better.  She was out of my league in so many ways.  She had a lot of money and a lot of friends.  She's popular in her close knit group.

Me?  I got nothin'.

Doctor, Doctor -- Whose Mouth Is It Anyway? -- Part 6

My deleted facebook post: 

"Wow.  I feel like I just stepped off the bus.  I had a minor procedure done at a different dentist a month ago.  He took MY money upfront and filed my insurance. OK.  When do I get a refund?  We mail it to you.  Really?  Whatever.  I wanted to reschedule the follow up when I had a dead battery.  She wanted to charge me $35 for rescheduling.  I told her if I'd known yesterday I was going to have a dead battery today, I certainly would have called yesterday.  She dropped the $35 and I cancelled the appointment.  I still haven't received my insurance refund which technically is MY money.  Is this the way it goes?  How much of our money is it legal for doctors to sit on?"

Doctor, Doctor -- Inusrance Money Whores and Sensitive Husbands -- Part 5

If I let someone dig around in my mouth for money that allegedly isn't even mine, who would be the whore, the pimp, and the trick?

This pretty much brings us up to date.  I stewed about this for a while and decided I would give my own dentist a courtesy call about the Periodontist A charging new patients whether they have insurance or not.  I told her it was my fault for not asking the right questions.  I took the blame for what happened to me.  I asked her about some of the charges that weren't covered when I had been told they would be.

I found out that I am only supposed to "see" the doctor one time a year.  Anything after that comes out of my pocket.  That's useful information.  After the fact.  She laughed when she told me.  Apparently Periodontist A "beat" them to the punch.  Oh, yeah, that is funny.

So anyway, I suggested the office prepare a handout for when they do a referral so the patient will know what to expect when going to another dentist.

I kind of felt better.  I'd done my good deed for the day.  Maybe they would do something like that for future patients and referrals.  I decided to tell my husband what I'd done.  As is always the case whenever we talk, he hurt my feelings again, for the millionth time.

He said, in so many words she hung up the phone and either ignored what I said or laughed/made fun of me to the other staff.  He's probably right.  I thought about that when I decided to call, but he didn't have to say it

Doctor, Doctor -- The Invisible Doctor -- Part 4

Well, the insurance statements began to roll in and it wasn't a pretty picture.  There were charges that weren't covered at all, and some were partially covered.  This side venture was beginning to cost me hundreds of dollars when I was assured everything was covered.  I was so angry.  They had told me it was covered on insurance.  I had always trusted them to steer me right and didn't question.  It was their jobs.  Shouldn't they know what they were doing?

This brings me to something I noticed on my bill with Periodontist A many years ago.  When I got to reception, I saw a charge for  a consultation by the big cheese himself, when I knew he was out of town because his children would not be at the weekly music lessons.  The family was going out of town.  I had also heard a nurse tell a patient that the doctor was not in the office "this week."  Yet, here, on my bill was a charge for a consultation.  This caused me to pause for a moment and wonder how many times he'd done this before.  I couldn't prove one way or the other because it would be his entire office against me.  I guessed he'd done that before.  Why not?  The patient doesn't care.  It's covered on Insurance.

I wonder how many patients the the "invisible doctor" saw that week?

The eBay Experiment

Well, a new month rolled around and I purposefully went in and posted exactly 50 items.  The first 50 items are supposed to be free.  They were.  I sold one item.  A pair of pants for $13.00.  We shall see what my fees are on that one item.  Overall, I am disappointed in the seller experience.  If I had advice to give it would be to study everything.  Read everything and figure up all your fees.  Don't forget PayPal gets a cut, and eBay gets an additional cut above and beyond whatever disclosed fees are stated at the time of posting.  If someone has made any significant money it has been at extremely high volume with an extremely low profit margin.

Doctor, Doctor -- A Man in My Mouth -- Part 2

A week later I go to the periodontist visit.  He swoops in shakes my hands and the creepy feeling starts.  Now here is the side note.  I taught his children piano for years.  His wife, also a dentist of some kind slept on my couch out of pure exhaustion while their children took their lessons.  Anyway, he says those things that are supposed to make me feel like he cares.  He's so sensitive.  I'm feeling guarded.  He looks and probes and I hear his stomach rumble.  I wonder if he's had lunch.  I flatter him with how gentle he is.  It's almost like a date.  My husband hasn't been this close to me in months.  There is a man I no longer care for in the slightest, in fact may even detest in my mouth.

Two things, there's a new test for bacteria.  I need to spit in a cup.  It's not covered on insurance, but it will help him know if there's any activity, rush, rush, rush, professional . . .

$150  cha chang

Ok.  I agree, I'm on the verge of tears.  I keep rolling my eyes and blinking.

Finally, it's over.  I get to the desk and I have to figure out a way to pay a 200-plus dollar visit.  Apparently, they don't take insurance from initial patients.  It doesn't matter I went to this doctor every three or four months for ten years.  I'm about to cry, so I'm desperately looking for my credit card, accidentally pull out my debit card, she swipes it and I'm on my way.

The next time I open my wallet I see my debit card in a strange place.  That's when I realize I just paid cash for the visit.

Cumbersome and Coming to a Decision

I suppose this could be Part 4 of Deal Breaker and a Coin Show . . .

I started this entry before my husband hurt me so badly.  It's funny to look at it and know what happened.

"You know I heard the song Cumbersome for the first time the other day in light of my decaying relationship with my husband and I see a lot of parallels.  Most of our interaction is him trying to get me out of his hair.  Appeasing me so I will move on to something else while he does whatever he wants.

After we had the worst month we've had in a very long time, he's going to a coin show tomorrow.  I cancelled dinner plans with friends several times this month because of our finances.  The last time I turned down an invitation I did it in front of him.  I told my friend that we were going to have to watch our pennies closely until I can find a job.  We were limited our activities to save money.

So, he's going to this coin show.  He will buy . . ."

We did not have enough money to buy toilet paper this month.  I used washcloths.  I prayed my period didn't come because I am out of tampons.  I have endometriosis and fibroids.  I have to use a tampon and pads to control accidents.  I canceled a doctor's appointment because the procedure did not cover $45 of the $95.

I have figured out he wants me out of his hair so he can do whatever he wants and not be questioned.  I am the reason he doesn't get to do whatever he wants.  Tonight I have decided we need a separation.  There are things he needs to learn.  As long as I am the one teaching him he will resent me.  He can't learn  and have me not pay the consequences.

Deal Breaker and a Coin Show Part 3

His family came over and brought him a gift from their trip.  I had wanted my sister-in-law to bring him a shirt or hat with the logo of the new team form his hometown, but they weren't available, yet, so she brought him a college hat from one of the teams he follows.  I was in my room sewing when they came.  I knew they had been there because I saw the hat.  He didn't let me know they were here.  I didn't hear them.

He tapped on the door a few hours later and told me he was going to bed to read, was there anything he could get for me.  I wanted to explode!  I thought.  REALLY?!  Is there anything you can get for me?!  I told him I was fine, goodnight.

I later asked him if he knew that she tried to get the new team stuff.  He started to tell me what she had tried to do, I interrupted him and told him I knew because I was the one that had told her to.  My voice cracked, "I was thinking of you." I was crying again.  He would not see me cry.


Going to bed without saying anything shows me he doesn't seem interested in helping me understand what happened today.  He thinks it's OK and he's not sorry, so I will need to work this one out on my own.  I will need to work it through and store away my answer for the future.  I'd like to know when he was going to tell me he spent the money on coins.  I tell him everything.  I show him what I spend money on.  I don't sneak.  I'm so afraid that when I get done thinking this through it's going to be the deal breaker. 

I began to mistrust him.  I looked at the credit card statement and found that he's been going out to eat without telling me.  My heart is broken.  I'm sick.  I had worked through leaving him and decided I wanted to stay with him and change.  I wanted to change.  I wanted to be a better person.  If he wasn't going to change, I could change.  I did.  I got happy.  I got strong.  I worked it through.  I didn't leave him.  I wanted to stay.  No my heart is broken again by his sneakiness.

I hate sneakiness.  I hate lying.  His father was a liar, a cheater, and a manipulator.  I hated his father.  This may be the deal breaker.

Six Minutes -- Day 6

I came across a post from last month.  I was having a hard time so I let myself off the hook for three day.  I increased my speed until my mind told me it was tired and I stopped.  I walked it out and let it go.  It took three days to get over that hump.  Four days later, I was smashin' it and finished  the seven day promise.  That's what I'm doing here.  It took two days this time.  I had a day of 30 minutes and just plain quitting and sitting and crying about it, then I had a second day of making it to 39 minutes before I walked it out.  It took me two hours and ten minutes to get my 700 calories yesterday.  Today, I was back on track.  I could feel it when I got to the 42 minutes I promised myself.  I told myself just 42 minutes.  Three more minutes than  yesterday.  When I got to the 42 minute mark I decided to go to the incline mark.  Well, that was all I needed.  I was half way done with the workout so I stuck with it and went the full 90.

Weight: 171.6 Three more pounds and I am down to my Dirty Foot Race weight

Duration: 90
Run time: 70
Incline: 47/level
Calories 540
Distance: 4.16
Average speed: 2.77

It took me 116 minutes to get to 700 calories.  No huge feat but it represent five days of 700 calories.  ONE POUND burned! 

Deal Breaker and a Coin Show Part 2

This is Part 2.  For part 1 go back one day.

I asked him if he thought that was OK to spend money on coins with our account overdrawn $459.  He said he didn't know it was that much.  I said it doesn't matter.  We are short every pay period.  He asked me what I wanted him to say.  I told him I wanted him to say "Yes, I do."  So he said it,

"Yes, I do."

My heart stopped.  Right then and there, my heart stopped.  My chest hurt, I couldn't breathe, I felt tears pushing up behind my eyes, I was sick, my throat closed.  I couldn't swallow.  I said nothing.  I walked away from him and went to my room to sew.  I cried in my room until I couldn't cry any more.  I sang along with the radio and kept my mind busy cutting out a pattern.

A few weeks ago he said that people get angry and scream or shout to get a response out of someone else, when they don't get that response, they will either get louder or stop.  I asked him if that was what he really believed.  People can't be angry for a good reason?  Nope.  Apparently, people only get angry to get a response out of someone else and when they don't get it, they stop.

Wow, you will never see me angry, you small, small, man.  Over my dead body.

Six Minutes - Day 5

Probably shouldn't have posted anything from yesterday or today.  These were give up days.

Duration: 90
Run Time: 39
Incline: 46/Level
Distance: 3.53
Calories: 460
Average speed: 2.53 embarassing


It took me 132 minutes to get to 700 calories, but I did it.  I am down a pound since yesterday.

Deal Breaker and a Coin Show Part 1

I took a message for my husband, President of the Coin Club.  One of the club members wanted to ride with the group going to a show.  Hmmm.  This interested me as I had not heard or seen anything about it from my husband.  Now it was hanging out there.  I knew he could not go to this show without spending money.  I reminded him we were overdrawn.  I didn't say anything more.  He was defensive.  He said, "I know I've seen the e-mails."  I dropped it.  I'm not his mother.  I wanted to see what he would do.  He knows we do not have enough money for anything out of the ordinary.

I also knew that he'd made money working for an elderly couple and I had yet to see it in the form of cash or a check or a deposit.  I knew he was walking around with it. He didn't say anything, but he slipped up about getting money from them. 

Well, you know how I am always commenting here on how much money we don't have?  This Friday we slid into the payday $459 in the hole.  Yep.  $459 dollars overdrawn.  In the past I would have erased the e-mails as they came in because I wanted to protect my husband from the truth, but my new commitment to not protecting him from reality meant that I had to leave those e-mails about our account being overdrawn right where they were.

He said nothing about the money I knew he had.  He left for the coin show with all his buddies.  I knew he would spend money with all the effort I was making to keep us floating until I could get a job.  Shameful, embarrassing things I won't discuss here.

He came home I asked him if he had fun.  He said yes and told me some stories.  No talk of the coins I knew he bought.  I managed to get out of him he went to breakfast and dinner as well as bought the driver dinner.  Finally, several hours later, I asked him if he saw any coins that he couldn't live without.  At first I didn't believe he bought coins.  I thought he meant that he had seen coins he really would have liked to have.  I really, really, really, really, didn't think he'd be foolish enough to buy coins with the money he'd made on the side.

He did.  

Doctor, Doctor -- A Lesson in You Can Never Be Me -- Prt. 1

Lately, when I see an advertisement with patients gushing about how important their doctors make them feel, I want to throw up.  I become physically ill.  Here's the sign I'm holding up:

WAKE UP, IT'S NOT YOU THEY CARE ABOUT, IT'S YOUR INSURANCE MONEY!

I don't have a doctor, but I do have a dentist.  Due to some genetic problems (which after this last month I'm beginning to question) with my teeth I have to go to the dentist every three months.  On my last visit the hygienist was alarmed at an alleged increase in some of the pockets around my teeth.  I wasn't too worried, I'd been through this before.  They stick that probe into the gum beside every single one of my teeth in three places on each side.  That's six times for those of you not keeping track.  They find something to focus on and want to swoop in with the cavalry.  Well, it happened again, except this time it was a financial disaster.  Ended up costing me hundreds of dollars I don't have.

The hygienist decided she needed a second opinion.  Here comes the doctor.  He wants me to go back to the periodontist that I left for trying to do the very thing I'm about to fall victim to once again.  I'm tired.  I'm beat down from school.  He wants me to go to the periodontist.  I tell them I can't do it unless it's covered.  They scramble to make some phone calls and everything is "covered."  The catch is I need a new set of x-rays.  I have a lunch appointment, I so I go can come back.  The doctor comes in again and asks me yet again if I want to go to the periodontist.  My dentist is concerned about my teeth.  I agree to go for the second time.

Six Minutes - Day 4 - Ho Hum

This was one of those set my goal, achieve it and go on.  My energy just wasn't there to push like I would have liked.  I made it one minute longer--or further--however one wants to think of it.  I made it and quit.

Duration: 90
Run Time: 70
Calories: 523
Distance: 4.03
Incline: 43/level
Average speed: 2.68

700 calorie mark: 117 minutes

Six Minutes Day 3 - What is wrong?

I didn't include yesterday that I had decided on a 700 calorie goal this week.  700 calories or 90 minutes whatever comes last.  I probably didn't include it because I was so tired.  Here's my so-called progress for the day.

Duration: 90
Run Time: 68
Distance: 4.17
Calories: 544
Incline: 42/level
Average speed: 2.78

Time to 700 calories: 114 minutes.  That pretty good yesterday was 121.  I feel like my legs a glued to the treadmill.

Six Minutes Day 2 - Haven't Run in Seven Days

This has been the last week of a very tough class.  I've spent a lot of time working on papers and trying to keep my head above water.  I did find time to run today, so here are my stats.  This was the second night to do six minute intervals.  It didn't go so well.  I'm thinking it is because I haven't run in a week.

Duration: 90
Run Time: 68
Calories: ??
Incline: 41/level
Distance:3.78
Average speed: 2.78 mph

Not very good.  I've been having some discomfort in my chest.  I know it's not a heart attack, it's probably stress.  Stress?  Who has stress?

Blue Valentine

Finally finished Blue Valentine with Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams.  What an interesting movie.  One of those movies that leaves the viewer waiting for a resolution that is never going to come.  Sorry for the spoiler, but this is a true to life movie.  The main characters don't figure it out.  There is no happy or sad ending, it's just a glimpse into what we already know.  Maybe that's why the movie didn't rise to the top of the pack.  It never was a feel good or a feel bad movie, it was a movie that made us look at ourselves, not in a different way, the way we're supposed to.  I liked it.  I liked the sense of loss I felt for the characters and for the situation.  No gloom and doom, just a big fat jagged little pill dose of true reality.

First Day of Six Minute Intervals

Maybe it was the newness, but I made it to 78 minutes the first night of this new workout.  I walked it out to the 600 calories.  I was surprised I made it as long as I did.  As it was I probably could have made it further, but I made it to my goal for the first night, so I let it go.

Duration: 78/90
Interval: 6
Distance: 4.17
Incline: 32/level
Calories: 543
Average Speed: 2.78

Last Night

Well, I made it.  I promised myself seven days of seven intervals and I did it.  I missed some days, should have been done two days ago, but I made it.  Tomorrow starts six minute intervals.  My goal is to work up to the 90 minute workout then complete it seven days in a row.  This is amazing on July 1 I will start a new workout.  I wonder how long it will take me to build up?  I excited!

Duration: 94/90
Interval: 7
incline: 30/level
Calories: 600
Distance:4.61
Average Speed: 3.07

Not as eventful a run as last time.  I did, however, run for two minutes at 5 mph at the end of the workout.  I had already jogged for about a half hour and I clicked it up one more notch and ran 5.1 mph for two minutes.  The plan for tomorrow is to make it 78 minutes.

One More Day

I can't believe I wasn't going to run tonight.  I got done with my homework very late and decided, what the heck?  I ran after midnight!  I was just going to take it easy and walk the 600 calories if needed.  I ended up having the best night since I started back after the injury.  Look at these impressive stats.

Duration: 90
Interval: 7
Incline: 20/level
Distance: 4.72
Calories: 615
Average Speed:  3.15 mph

Not sure what was going on there.  I ran for a full minute without holding on at 5.2 mph, then walked it out for about five minutes and ended up with 4.8+ miles at 95 minutes!  Best thing I can figure is I might have accidentally gone up two clicks at some point instead of one.  Just shows I can do it.

The disclaimer is I was worn out early in the workout so I had to hold on a little, but comparatively speaking I might have held on for maybe six to eight minutes of the full 90 minutes.  One more day and I am ready to graduate to SIX MINUTES!!

Sitting In a Vehicle All Day

I didn't have time to run today.  Well, that's not completely true, I probably could have run but I took the in-laws to the airport.  Left at 9:30 this morning and didn't get home until 4:30.  Went to Ruby Tuesday's.  Really bad headache came on about 5:00 and never really went away.

However, I had the Gumbo which was listed as "new" on the menu.  I really liked it.  It was an excellent amount of heat and spices.  On the other hand, the Perkin's country fried steak I had on the way to the airport left more than a little to be desired.  It kind of tasted like school cafeteria food.  Isn't that interesting.  Both ends of the spectrum today.

Day Five

A good night.  For some reason, I cut eight minutes off my time?  I'll take it.

Duration: 92/90
Interval: 7
Incline: 7/level
Distance: 4.61

Calories: 600
Average Speed: 3.07 mph

Broke back through the three mph barrier tonight.  Next goal is 4 mph.

Fourth Day

This was my fourth out of seven times to successfully run the seven minute intervals.  It was still a challenge, but the psychology behind have already done it before is very helpful.

Duration: 100
Run Time: 90
Incline: 25/level
Interval: 7
Distance: 4.63
Calories: 600
Average Speed: 2.778

This is my halfway mark.  Three more times and I get to progress to six minute.  I need to look and see what the record was for six minutes.  I think it was something like 82 or 85 minutes.  If I do this right I could be on six minute intervals by Saturday.

A Matter of Opinion

I got a grade back from a facilitator last night.  88.5.  He plastered the first two pages of the paper with all kinds of comments and opinions I didn't agree with, then he didn't write anything else.  His last comment on the last last page was that the paper was "rough"but headed in the right direction.

I'm over it.  I had anther facilitator that graded me hard on my papers and I agreed with him.  My writing improved over the semester and I liked the challenge.  However, I'm not so sure that most of what this guy wrote wasn't anything more than opinion.  There wasn't anything hugely grammatical wrong with the paper.  He marked me off on some passive stuff I agree with, but at the same time, he had negative comments on some wording that the proofreader suggested.  I sat there for a few minutes after I'd read through the critique and saw I had a medium-high B.  There was this "What?."  Kind of word in my head.  Complete with both a period and a question mark because I knew but I didn't know, believed but didn't.

The problem with getting this kind of feedback is I'm not challenged to improve like last time, I just start wishing it was over sooner.  Oh well, only seven weeks left.

Day Three! Four Days To Go

I'm agreeing with my plan to stick to the seven minutes interval. Even thought I didn't run yesterday, it felt like it might have been a little easier.  I'm hoping by Thursday I'll be itching to run faster and farther!

Duration: 100
Run: 90
Interval: 7
Distance: 4.62
Calories: 600
Incline: 23/level
Average Speed: 2.77

I lost 1/10 of a mile in speed from the 21st.  Does that mean it will take ten days to lose one mile per hour?  Makes sense.  My then, I will be well into six minutes intervals, so maybe that will make up for it.  What I am looking for right now is feeling the seven minute interval get easier.

Under His Breath

I love the things people say "under their breath."  Those things they want to say and want you to hear, but they are too afraid or they know it's wrong.  That mumbling from the kitchen, bathroom, or bedroom you know you heard and you know what you heard.  You weren't supposed to hear it, but you did, so you pretend you didn't, but now you know.  If they knew you knew, it would be really bad for a while maybe a day, maybe a week.

I think a lot of things a person says under their breath stems from some sense of unfairness.  He did that, she did that--or didn't.  He always does that, she always does that.  So while he's in the kitchen, unloading the dishwasher because he's convinced he does it "all the time" or he ends up having to do "everything around here"  while she sits in front of the computer.  Maybe as he was walking over to clean after dinner he was hoping the dishwasher was emptied.  Maybe just maybe . . .

It doesn't matter that nine times out of ten it is empty.  And that there are many days of the week I empty run the dishwasher during the day.  What matters is that moment, that right now that seems like all the time.

Why say anything?  Because what you are saying under your breath sounds silly enough or trivial enough or immature enough.  Maybe it will start World War III.  Who knows?

My mom was one to do that.  She'd mutter, fuss, and mumble.  Talk to the walls in the kitchen out of frustration about God only knows what.  I'm not a mumbler, mutterer, or fusser.  I know what I know.  I know that life isn't fair.  Nobody cares as much about you as you do.  People, even our families, will use us if you let them.  If I choose not to say anything, it's my fault, not theirs.

Done! Five More Times To Go

Day two of completing seven minutes intervals.  Knowing I'd already done it twice before, yesterday and before I hurt myself made it seem a little easier.  I was still sweaty and tired, but I made it without feeling like I might pass out.

Duration: 99
Run: 90
Interval: 7
Incline: 21/level
Calories: 600
Distance: 4.61
Average Speed: 2.79 mph

Still increasing the incline.  It seems to be slowing down the average speed.  I'll see what tomorrow looks like.  It may just have to be one of those tradeoffs in getting the 600 calories.

Repeat Performance

Tonight I re-mastered the seven minute interval and made 600 calories.  As I already decided, I'm going to do that for seven nights before I move on to the six minutes intervals.  This is a slow process.  I hope my treadmill holds out.  Last night, I began to fear it might give out before I am able to meet my seven mile goal.

Duration: 97
Run: 90
Distance: 4.63
Calories: 600
Incline: 20/level
Average speed: 2.86 mph

Movie: Take Me Home

I watched a very good movie today.  Thumbs up all around.  It was a so called "Indie Flick."  Take Me Home.  It was under the "Feel Good Movies" section on Netflix.  I was home alone with no guys around to tease me for having feelings, so I clicked on it and was sucked in immediately.  The end is predictable and surprising.  Sam Jaegar directed and starred in it.  He plays the cab driver and surprise, surprise, his wife Amber Jaegar plays the costar.  What a sweet little movie to enjoy on an afternoon alone away from men.

Another Good Run

Hopefully I am over another psychological hump.  This time I didn't give up.  I just cut back, ran a little slower, and waited to want to be challenged again.  I knew I was ready to be challenged when I wanted to run farther than I planned.  I decided to quit at the point I had planned so I would be ready for tomorrow.  I'm sticking to my goal to successfully run the seven minutes interval for seven days.

Weight:  Forgot to weigh

Duration: 84/90
Interval: 7
Incline: 19/level
Calories: 520
Distance: 4.00 EXACTLY!
Average Speed: 2.67 mph

I've decided to work up to scheduling a 550 calorie run for mini-goal.  When I reach that, I will walk off the extra 50 to make 600.  Hope that makes sense.  I had a good day.  Did a little more of nothing today and felt a little relief from that oppressive feeling I've been experiencing for days.  I didn't feel as drugged today, so I didn't take a nap.  I need to start tracking when I feel the way I felt for the last four or five days to see if it's cyclical.

Up All Night

I was up until 3:00 this morning working on my paper for the week.  It was 1400 words long.  I wanted it to be perfect, but I ran out of time.  I'm going to stay in bed tomorrow until I get my eight hours.  I've been so tired.  Officially eight weeks left of school and I will have my degree after 18 years.

A Good Run

Well, it wasn't the six minute record from a few weeks ago, but I ran and clocked in my 500 calories.  I haven't been doing my trilogy workout.  I hope to get back to that tomorrow.  That run down feeling is not going away.  I've tried eating more, sleeping more, and every other combination I can think of.  I got eight hours last night and a nap.  I just feel like I could sleep forever at any moment.  Yesterday I slept deep enough in an hour to dream.

Weight: 174.6

Duration: 97
Incline: 18/level
Interval: 7
Distance: 3.85
Calories: 500
Average Speed: 2.38 mph

Still Dragging -- Digging In

I still feel wiped out.  I'm determined if anything.  I did make it the 63 minutes tonight.  I feel weird to not even be sweating during the workout.  I also miss the gym.  Can't wait to get back to that.  Well, here are tonight's stats:

Duration: 105
Interval: 7
Incline: 15/level
Calories: 500
Distance: 3.85
Average Speed: 2.2

I have also decided that when I beat the seven minute intervals this time, I will beat it seven days in a row before I will move to six minute intervals.  It's possible I was trying to move up too soon.  I don't know.  I'm willing to do anything at this point.  Right now, beating six minute intervals is the brass ring.  To do that, I have to beat seven minutes and go into six minutes stronger than I was.

The Seven Mile Bridge run is now 10 months away.  I have eight months to be ready.

Still Feeling Run Down -- New Stat Sheet

I tried to consume a few extra calories today in case I had over done it on Wednesday.  I am determined not to skip another day, so I cut back my intervals to seven.  I also made a new stat sheet.  The other one was getting confusing on the page.  I was five days trying to get through the six minute interval mission.  The check marks were inconsistent, so I was forgetting my clicks.  Anyway.  I switched to a graph paper type log I put the seven minute intervals down the left and worked down the boxes from top to bottom.  I only made it to 56 minutes.  Something is definitely up, but this happens, so I am going to push through.  My short term goal is still the 500 calories and 90 minutes, but I'm treating it as a "whichever comes last" kind of thing.

Duration: 113 minutes
Interval: 7
Incline: 14/level
Calories: 500
Distance:  ??

I forgot to write down how far I went so I don't know my average speed either.  This is really slow.  I hope this slump doesn't last.  At this rate I will never make it to the seven miles goal I set for myself.  Tomorrow night's goal is 63 minutes. 

Buy It Now -- Or Best Offer

Yesterday I was able to post a bunch of my stuff for free using a Buy It Now and a Best Offer option.  I posted the item with the Buy It Now I had originally posted and allowed an automatic acceptance of the opening bid amount.  Make sense?  For example:  Let's say last week I had a shirt up for $10 opening bid and a Buy it Now of $13.  It was going to cost another 30 cents to post it.  Creeping my fees up to 90 cents.  I went in and chose "fixed price" for $13 accepted a "best offer" of $10 for FREE.  I probably saved myself somewhere around $20 which may not seem like a lot, but when my profits are down to a dollar here and there, $20 is a lot.

Off Time

Did not feel like running tonight.  I'll give myself the night off because I did so good for two nights in a row.  Feeling more tired than anything.  No muscle soreness and no real true knee pain.  Some popping, and very little looseness.  Just gonna chill.

Liar Liar

Watched Liar Liar with Jim Carrey and Maura Tierney tonight.  It had been a very long time since I'd seen it.  What a excellent feel good movie.  I always thought Maura Tierney was pretty and Justin Cooper, the son, was so cute.  I tried to look up Justin Cooper to see what he looks like now and couldn't find an up to date picture that was clearly him.  There are a few "Justin Coopers" out there, and imdb is not up to date on a photo of him either.  That one looks like it may go down as an unsolved mystery.

   

Pizza or Pasta -- It Doesn't Matter, Why Lie?

Here's another one of those stories.  I asked my husband if he wanted dinner before he went to do the youth program at church.  He said no, he wanted to eat when he got home.  I said I'd make him a grilled cheese sandwich snack for him before he left.  He had about 30 or 40 minutes between when I got home and when he was going to leave.  I decided to wait until he got home to put the sandwich on the grill.

When he got home I asked him if he still wanted the sandwich.  He said no and told us to go ahead and eat leftover pasta, he'd eat when he got home which struck me as a little strange.  Why would he tell us to go ahead and eat?  He went to get ready to go.  He sat down on the couch and I asked him if he'd talked to the Education Director about getting pizza for the kids.  The Education Director was new.  He told me he'd already taken care of it.  I figured out he was planning on having pizza and that was why he told us to go ahead and eat.  I said something to that affect.  I wondered why he just didn't say that from the beginning.  Why did he have to play the martyr and tell us we could eat "without" him.  Why couldn't he have said, "The kids are having pizza tonight, you guys go ahead and eat.  If I'm still hungry when I get home I'll eat."  So I pressed him and he tried to tell me he was expecting to come through the door and see a grilled cheese sandwich, but that really didn't have anything to do with it, either.  I had plenty of time to make him a grilled cheese sandwich before he left.  This is the kind of thing that doesn't really matter, but at the same time, why lie?

Another New Record

I am feeling strong tonight.  I made it 82 minutes on the six minute intervals.  I walked out the remainder in two intervals to 84 and then 90.

Trilogy count: 43!

Duration: 82/90
Intervals: 6
Incline: 12/level
Calories: 537
Miles: 4.14
Average Speed: 3.03

I need to be averaging five miles per hour, so I am more than half way there.  Not sure what this is about, but I weight 178.6 pounds this morning.

New Record

I made it 81 minutes using the six minute intervals!  This is better than anything I did before I messed up my knees.  I was determined.  I stayed with it and made a new record for myself.  I walked out the last nine minutes in two intervals up to 84 then up to 90.  I feel encouraged and strong.

Duration: 81/90
Intervals: 6
Incline:11/level
Calories: 528
Miles: 4.05
Average Speed: 3

Runaway

I thought about something really frustrating.  So far, and I'm sure it's low because I probably didn't catch all the fees, I have spend $68.75 on "advertising" that I have not gotten paid back for by selling the item.  What if that item never sells?  What if I wanted to walk away from the whole thing tomorrow?  I am out $68.75.  I have probably spent $300 dollars advertising for the catamarans.  All my profits from eBay sales have gone into selling those boats.  I am so angry for ever buying it and thinking my husband would do something with me I wanted to do.  I'm not just angry.  I'm the kind of angry that makes a person ill.  Physically ill.  I don't know what to do.  I really, really don't know what to do.  I frustrated, I'm tired, there's never enough money.  No matter how many times I leave the lights off, turn the air conditioner up, don't flush the toilet, skip meals, don't shower, stay home, scrimp, save, do without.  Oh my God.  I just want to run away.  I want to run out the door and never, never come back.  I want to run and run and run and run away never looking back.

I guess I thought selling my stuff on eBay was the answer the way it is for other people.  Maybe I'd make a couple bucks.  Not when you spend it all on advertising a boat.  I feel like throwing up.  The problem with all of this is I've got nothing left.  I'm dried up.  There's nothing there.  I'm done.  There's no relief from the constant pressure of there not being enough.  I want out.  I want it to be over.  I don't care.

Trilogy, Breakfast Out, and Pouting Babies

Tonight I did my situps, squats, and pushups only.  40 each!  My skin is burning a little where my butt bone is, I guess that means I shouldn't have tried to do so many with my yoga pad.  I had to break the pushups into four sets of 10.  That felt a little like quitting, but at least I did them.

Today I went with what I wanted to do and went out to breakfast with friends instead of going with my husband where he wanted to go.  I think he was still mad about it something like eight hours later.  At least I think that's what he was angry about.  He sulked and sulked the whole afternoon.  I gave him the opportunity to tell me what he was made about like I always do when I know he's angry.  I tell him I'm only going to ask him once to tell me if he's angry or what he's angry about.  When he refuses, I move on.  We're not babies.  If he wants to sulk and be angry, fine with me.  If he wants to talk about it and get it out in the open and work it out, I'm up for that to.  I went on about my evening.  Let him be whatever he said he wasn't.

I would like to know what his parents did with him when he got in these sulky baby moods.  Did they cater to him?  I'm not going to do it.

72 Mintues on 6 Intervals

It is finally starting to look like the old days.  I forgot to do my trilogy--situps, squats, and pushups.  However, I made it 72 minutes on the 6 minutes intervals.  That's exactly what I did the first time on 6 on May 2, that means I am five weeks behind in my workout.

Duration: 72/90
Interval: 6
Incline: 8/level
Distance: 3.42
Calories: 445
Average Speed: 2.85

It was a bit of a set back to only make it 3.42 miles.  The six minute intervals get fast very--well, fast.  I was running over 4.5 mph before I dropped out and walked.  Still a good run overall.  Tomorrow is Sunday, I will take a break and see what Monday holds.

Better Night for Running

I made it t he full 90 minutes tonight using the seven minute intervals.  I was starting to feel it in my knees but I was able to push through.  Hopefully I will not feel it tomorrow.

Duration: 90
Intervals: 7
Incline: 7/level
Calories: 580
Miles: 4.45
Average Speed: 2.97 mph

Four Pounds Down This Week

173.2 

Woo Hoo!  I was so glad after having such a crappy night last night I am three pounds down.  I've got five more to go until I am back where I was when I ran my last race.  I did not run tonight as I predicted.  I also did not do the situps, pushups, and squats.  I had time this morning, but chose not to.  That is not the way to get stronger.  I stopped at Wendy's on the way out of town.  That usually means my weight will not be good in the morning.

My son is here.  He has been working out and has some great new suggestions for me for changing up my exercise routines.

One Hour Photo

I don't know why I liked this movie.  Even better, I don't know why I was willing to sit through this for two hours on TV--complete with commercials.  Perhaps it was because I was sitting in my living room with my laptop on my lap trying to find images of the Yorkin family house during the commercials.  Somehow I liked this movie.  I don't want to spoil this movie for anyone, but it's a perfect rainy mid-week afternoon thriller.  For a reason I can't get in touch with, I give this movie two thumbs up.  Find it and watch it.  Just don't expect to feel anything but a sense of inner loss for some of the deep inner truths it reveals about families and spouses.

Not a Good Night--or Day for that Matter

I made it 77 minutes before I gave up.  I wasn't tired physically.  I probably could have made it the full 90 minutes.  My mind is tired and it makes me tired.

35 situps, pushups and squats

Weight: 174.2

Duration: 77/90
Interval: 13/7
Incline: 4/level
Calories: 488
Distance: 3.75

I have to pick my son up from the airport tomorrow.  Four hours round trip.  I can already predict there will be no exercises

Taking the Cake

This takes the cake.  I got a very helpful e-mail from someone I sold a shirt to on eBay.  She had some helpful  advice.  1st Class Package.  Anything up to 13 ounces ships for next to nothing.   Well, not literally next to nothing, but two and three dollars compared to $5.50.  I did a little approximation and that little mistake probably cost me NO LESS than $60 just on the clothes I've sold.

I've been choosing Parcel Post and Priority Mail.  So there's my tip of the century.  If you have something light to ship, make sure you check out:

1st Class Package for 13 ounces and less.  The combined circumference of the package has to be 84 inches or less.

Back in the Swing: 4 miles tonight!

Well, it looks like I've broken through.  I had a little discomfort in my knees about an hour into the workout, but it seemed to go away with a little self talk.

Weight: 174.2

Duration: 90
Interval: 12/8
Incline: 3/level
Calories: 536
Calories for seven days: 2837
Distance: 4.12
Average Speed: 2.74

My posts may get a little boring for a while as I focus on just getting faster and going further.

I Was Nervous But I Made It

Tonight went well.  I was scared I might be pushing too hard too soon.  Doesn't seem like it.  I don't know if I need to change the battery in my treadmill or not.  Seems to be fairly accurate to what I did last night.  I guess I'll give it another chance.  Started to run enough tonight that some sweat popped out on my face and it felt good.  I did not do pushup, situps or squats today or yesterday.  Should have been at 33, so tomorrow starts with 34.  Awesome.

I am almost burning the 3500 calories a week that were my first goal.  5250 is my medium goal.    I'm actually looking for 7000 a week, but we'll have to wait for that for when I get into the five mile per hour range.  I'll register for the race when I can run the seven miles in 90 minutes, but my overall goal is going to be 70 minutes.  That's seven 10 minute miles for those of you that aren't real good at math.  Quite a lofty aspiration, but I've got until April 2014.  By then I just may have nothing to prove and won't need to run the bridge.

Weight: 174.6

Duration: 90
Interval: 9/9
Incline: 2/Level
Calories: 491
Distance: 3.78
Average Speed: 2.52

This is the halfway point.  Not turning back now.

I'm supposed to be starting back at the gym tomorrow but we seemed to have spent my money.  I'm disappointed.

A Little Less Angry

I went back to my bank statements and discovered where I had made the transfers and where they had taken out my fees.  I'm still a little frustrated that it's so difficult.  I need to get out a calculator and figure up what I think is my profit based on that.  Wouldn't that be the true proof.  Here are your expenses, here is your income.  I should be somewhere around $340 according my painstaking record keeping, but I don't think it's going to turn out to be that much.  However, it may be more than $40 I thought yesterday.  I'm not going to be un-disappointed because I even figured in the packaging when I made up my figures.  I have to be missing something.

Who Should I Be Angry At?

Two or three months ago I started selling my stuff on eBay.  I thought it would be a way to make a little money to help out our shortfall.  What a crock.   I'm so frustrated today I can't see straight.   I transferred a whopping $160 from my paypal account--just like last month.  Left $40 in there for this months postings.  Today my fees from eBay were $150.  WTH.

.30 to eBay
.30 to PayPal
.029% to PayPal
.09 % to eBay
Shipping
Packaging
Stupid people that don't read descriptions and look at photos

I still can't tell if I'm making money!  I have watched over each sale like a hawk making sure I keep a cushion and the more I look at it, at best, I think I'm breaking pretty close to even.  It's a lot of work for what looks like $40 for the last three months.  I can't find ANYwhere on eBay that tells me this is what your profits are.  Totally disappointed right now.  I thought this would be a way to make a little money.  However, once I'm not tied to eBay with all their little nit picking fees, I'm totally thinking about not doing business with eBay as a seller or a buyer.  Grrr.

I Ran! I Ran!

Tonight I ran, or rather, jogged about a mile or so.  If it was more, it wasn't much.  In my mind I had my fingers crossed.  It felt scary because I didn't know if I was trying to do too much too soon.  Well, that was about five minutes ago.  I don't feel any tightness creeping in.  No soreness or extra sloppiness.  Maybe this is it?  If my knees are sore in the morning I will know it was to soon.

Weight: 174.6  -2 lbs.

Duration: 90
Interval: 6/10
Incline: 1/level
Calories: 461?
Distance: 3.54?
Average Speed: 2.36 mph?

I put question marks on the last three because this seems like a big jump from last night.  80 more calories and more than a half mile further.  Maybe I need to change the battery.  I know that when the battery is weak, it gives out strange readings.  If it is right, it means I am almost half way there.  I need seven miles and at least  5 mph.

Almost to Three

I decided to "run" (chuckle,chuckle) during the day today.  Tomorrow will probably include a short run because this one ended just one click below the speed that I like to start jogging.  I'm a little nervous, but I think it will be OK.  I've been increased my speed by five minutes each day.  I think beginning tomorrow I am going to return to the one increases.  I'm scared it's too soon.

Duration: 90
Intervals: 6/15 min
Incline: level
Calories: 383
Distance: 2.95
Average Speed: 1.99

I read today that the Marathon Runner's Club sets a deadline to receive self addressed stamped envelopes.  The Club returns applications in the self-addressed envelopes, the first 1500 to arrive at the Club are the ones chosen to run.

No Braces Tonight

Today was the first day I didn't spend thinking about how to place my knee or how to extend my leg.  I wonder if it's some kind of coincidence that it's exactly a week since I started the Osteo Bi-flex?  It has also been one week since I went to the gym.  Maybe the combination of the supplements and resting the knees a little is the combination that has helped or maybe it's just time for it to get better.

Weight: 176.6

Duration: 90
Intervals: 5/20
Incline: level
Calories: 344
Distance: 2.65
Average speed:  1.77

Making Progress--Still sloppy, no pain

I thought this would be a little farther tonight than just the 2.45, but I just have to keep in mind I was injured and getting better takes time anyway.  Add to that the age and weight.  I just need time.  I wore the braces for the walk.  Tonight I am adding another element to the report.  I've gained nine pounds since the last race, so have decided to cut back on anything extra for a while and see if I can get my habit of healthy eating back on track.  I'm a half pound down from yesterday, but I tend to make fun of people that count half pounds because my weight can fluctuate three pounds in one day due to hormones.  I usually only rejoice when I see several days of consistent loss or a total of five pounds or more.  So, an addition here is going to be my weight when I remember to weigh.

Weight: 177.6

Duration: 90
Interval: 4/25
Incline: level
Calories: 318
Distance: 2.45
Average Speed: 1.63 mph

First Workout Since Trip South

Even though I got two bike rides in while I was gone, I was anxious to get back to working on my "running" which is funny to say right now because I'm just walking and tonight I feel like my thighs weigh 100 pounds each.  It's good to be home, however and enjoy my own bed.

Duration: 90
Interval: 3/30
Incline: level
Calories: 304
Distance: 2.34
Average Speed: 1.56 mph

Heard From My Son

My son called this afternoon.  It was good to hear his voice and get caught up on what he's been up to.  He's a little bummed with his injury, but he's well taken care of and should be back on his feet in a few months.  I miss him, but know he's where he wants to be.

Enjoyed a cook out at my sister's house.  Her son cooked burgers and hotdogs on the grill and we ate on her deck/porch under a big umbrella.  It was fun just enjoying the breezy afternoon.

I also went on a fun bike ride with my brother-in-law around "old" Tavernier and on up to Harry Harris park.  On the way back it rained like buckets were being dumped on us.  I thought we'd make it back without being completely soaked through to my skin, but that hope died as we went over the bridge.  It was still fun going with him and getting to do a little sightseeing before the rain came.

Key Largo Sunset

Got to Key Largo tonight at 9:30 pm, so that's a little of an exaggeration about the sunset.  We actually saw the sunset near Pembroke Pines.  I've got a really bad headache I hope will not plague me all weekend like these things tend to do.  Looking forward to getting out tomorrow.

Last Walk Before Holiday Weekend

We are leaving for a trip to Key Largo tomorrow so I wanted to be sure to get my walk in tonight.  Tried it without the braces, and it was kind of uncomfortable.  Perhaps I'm more attune to the little aches, pangs, and pains.  Not sure.

23 Situps and push ups

Duration: 90
Interval: 55
Incline: level
Calories: 270
Distance: 2.07
Average Speed: 1.38

We're taking the bikes.  I hope to get an idea how I am doing when I ride.

This was an uneventful evening.  Discomfort in the knees is getting better everyday.  Started Osteo- BiFlex after reading a few reviews.  There was nothing medically conclusive, but it can't hurt.

22 situps and pushups

Duration: 90
Interval: 60
Incline: level
Calories 281
Distance: 2.16
Average Speed: 1.44

Day five--Walking, walking, walking

Still walking on the treadmill.  However, I am back running short distances at the gym and did some squats.  That feel like more progress.  I have forgotten to keep posting about the number of situps and pushups I am doing.  I am up to 21 of each.  I'm having a lot of trouble making it to the 21st one without taking a break.  We'll see if I can make it to 22 tomorrow.  I was hoping my gut would start to show, but it doesn't seem to be doing anything.  However, I can pull in my "stomach" without peeing in my pants or holding my breath, so that is a good thing.

Duration: 90
Interval: 65
Incline: level
Calories: 293
Distance: 2.25
Average Speed: 1.5 mph

Day Four--Walking, Walking, Walking

Oh my goodness.  I am so bored of walking.  My knees are starting to feel better.  I ran a little at the gym today.  Still not ready to start running on the treadmill, so I'm still walking.  No incline stuff, either.  My mind wanders a lot with the walking, but I try to pay attention to how my feet are falling and how my knees are tracking to stop anything that may be going wrong before I get back to stressing my legs.

Duration: 90
Interval: 70
Incline: level
Calories 266
Distance: 2.06
Average Speed: 1.37

A Little Better

I can tell I'm not quite ready to run long distance, yet.  The braces help a lot.  Walking, walking, walking.  I want to be running and training, so it's got me a little bummed.  Here are tonight's figures.

Duration: 90 minutes
Interval: 75
Incline: level
Calories: 278
Distance: 2.12
Average Speed: 1.41

Second Day Back to Treadmill

I was going to increase my time by one minute each time I walked.  For example:  Two days ago, I walked for 90 minutes at the slowest speed the treadmill would go.  Yesterday day I was going to walk for 89 minutes and then add one click to the last minute.  That seemed a little over kill, so I have decided to do it at five minute intervals.  I didn't go as far, so of course I didn't burn as many calories, but I walked 80 minutes at the slowest speed and then increased it for the last 10 minutes.

Interval: 80
Duration: 90
Incline: level
Calories: 259
Distance: 1.99
Average Speed: 1.32 mph

I did less tonight, but that's OK.  I'm trying to get better.

Trying to Get Back To Training

Well, tonight I tried the treadmill for the first time since I did whatever I did to my knees.  They are still very sloppy.  I'm trying to get back to training more seriously for the 7 Mile Bridge Run.  I need to be off the bridge in 90 minutes, so the original plan was to be able to do 7.5 miles in 90 minutes.  That's a pace of about five miles an hour.  Right now it hurts to walk past an easy pace, so that's what I did today:

Duration: 90 minutes
Incline: none
Calories: 278
Distance: 2.12 miles
Average Speed: 1.41 mph

I bought light support FUTURO knee braces from CVS.  They were buy one get one half off.  I bought the size that fits about 15" - 17"  I have a 15 inch knee, but muscular thighs, so I look bound up in them.  These FUTURO braces ended up being the best deal of all of the ones that didn't make me look like I'd been in an accident.  I just wanted something flesh colored to hold in my messed up knees a little.

I didn't Go Back to Bed Yesterday

I was started that way.  I ended up going and buying Salmon, Cod, a papaya and plants.  A friend of mine called and told me the Lowe's had a bunch of plants that weren't doing so good discounted 50% off.  I was lucky enough to find a sad little bunch of refugees that are now on my back porch looking thankful.  A couple of Begonias, Dracaena, two Philodendron type plants I have always wanted in the big houseplant size but were always too expensive.  The size I could afford just didn't seem like a good deal to buy a plant in a three inch pot that was five dollars.  Well, these thirty little fellas were two-fifty.  One of the begonias was only 85 cents.  I also bought a bamboo palm that was way too expensive next to my dollar plants.  I broke the bamboo palm into pieces and planted it in a shady part of the back yard because they don't like sun at all.  Oh yeah, the Buddleia I got for something like two-fifty, went in the ground near some plumbago under the edge of the eaves of the house  I planted one in front of where we put our garbage cans by the side door in hopes of it growing and blocking the view of the garbage cans.  We'll see if my husband doesn't like where it is tomorrow when the sun is up.  He was at a meeting until well after dark today.

Don't Want To Do Anything Today

I think laziness on Tuesday may have become a habit.  Last night I went to bed sure that I would wake up and do a bunch of stuff like cleaning, sewing, and then go to the gym to see if I was ready to start recovering from whatever I did to myself last week.  Now I just want to go back to bed.  I got my eight.  Granted they were an interrupted eight.

Anyway.  I'm thinking about restarting my day and going back to bed for an hour.  So thankful that I have that privilege.  If I go back to bed I have to promise myself to get up and get busy for the next three hours doing something productive.  I don't know.  Nothing is really wrong, just seems like nothing is really right.  Going through the motions is so exhausting.    

Wondering If I have an Injury - Day 4

Well, this is day four without exercise other than situps and pushups.  I'm up to 13 of each, if that's any good news.  Totally frustrated with my knees.  They don't hurt, they are just really, really uncomfortable.  I tried ice on them this evening for a little while.  I don't think it helped.  I've started looking into some nutrition for the joints.  Finding out things like salmon, almonds, broccoli, kale, and papaya are good for healthy joints.  Seriously considering a joint healthy diet for 60 days to see if it makes a difference.  The jury may be out on Glucosamine and Chondroitin.  So many conflicting reviews and articles I can't even begin to attach a link to anything I trust.  Very frustrated tonight.  I haven't run or trained since Thursday.

Shopping Day -- Bad Idea

Well, decided to go to the flea market this morning.  What a mess.  My knees weren't hurting--as usual--but the throbbing.  Jeez.  We ended up walking plant nurseries while we were out.  I finally succumbed to the discomfort and requested we call it a day.  I went home and sat in a chair with a heating pad on my knees.  It's so weird because they don't hurt, but good grief they are uncomfortable.

Back to School -- No Job

The school called me by late morning to let me know that I did not get the job.  The good news however, was that they wanted me to know that I had done a great job in the interview and recommended that I apply for some positions that would be opening up in my area.  It's possible that this means the school district may have received some new funding for the coming school year.  I was told that they had done away with each school having its own IT person, and had gone to centralized IT support from the school board, while now I am hearing that they are hiring in this field.  I hope this is true.  This gives me a fresh opportunity.  Woo Hoo!

Limiting Activity -- Knees No Better

So angry right now.  My knees feel like they are a mess.  Stiff.  Tight.  I'm hobbling around like an old person.  Still doing a little reading on the Baker's Cysts and wondering if I've aggravated something in that area and may just need to take a break and rest a little.  Did 10 pushups and situps.  Trying to do those first thing in the morning.  Finding the front of my knees to be a little sensitive as well. 

Back To School - First Interview!

This morning was my first interview for my new career in IT.  It was with our local school system at a school about 45 minutes away.  It was definitely a positive experience.  I learned a lot about what I need to know and what they want to know--if that makes sense.  It was a panel of five.  The principal, the assistant principal, the CIO for the county, an MIS Technician V, and the Technology Educator.  The principal handing everyone a worksheet with questions on it.  She worked her way through the questions.  I felt comfortable and wasn't too nervous.  Perhaps because I was pretty sure they would find someone closer they liked better?  They are supposed to call me tomorrow afternoon to let me know if I got the job.

Super Tight Knees - No Running for Me

Went to the gym tonight and favored my knees.  They are so tight.  I walked the warmup and cool down laps.  I can't straighten my leg or pull my toes up.  Tried to not put my full weight on the right one.  It seems to be the one bothering me the most.  Luckily, the workout was mostly upper body.  I did some of the squats hoping it would stretch the area that was tight.  Sure hope I'm not doing a bad thing by going on with my activity.  Saw something online about Baker's Cysts.  Uggh.

Nine Minute Intervals - Sloppy Knees?

Tonight my knees are kind of bugging me, they're sloppy.  Kind of feel like they may fall out of place at any moment.  I looked this up and found out there is such a thing as "loose knees" or joints.  I came home from the gym and rested for a few hours before I got on the treadmill.  It was incline night.  Time to tackle the nine minute interval.  I made it 54 minutes.  My knees felt like they were going to fall apart.  When I went to an even treadmill for the last six minutes, it felt a lot less uncomfortable.  Now my knees feel like they are wrapped by giant rubber band.  Super tight and stiff.  Got to look up what might be going on here.  Starting to wonder if I might be overtraining a little.  Just a little.

Nine Minute Intervals -- Disaster -- Bad Day

Well, this was a horrible night.  I only made it 30 minutes and just quit altogether.  Disappointed in myself and my desire, but I also took two Benadryl in hopes of it helping relieve a sinus headache that's been plaguing me.  I think that drained me and in the end really didn't help my headache.

Back to School -- Interview Scheduled

Last week, I put in an online application for MIS Technician I with the school district.  I forgot to write something here about it.  I was pretty sure I wouldn't get it because I'd applied for similar positions before and didn't even get a call or even a courtesy e-mail.  I take that back. I got one courtesy e-mail.  I didn't fit the "interview criteria."  Perhaps I'll take the time to expound on that in the future, but suffice it to say, I did everything I was supposed to do to get that job.  Well, this morning, the phone rang.  I saw that it was from the city I had put in to work.  My pulse quickened and when she introduced herself as calling from the school I'd applied to I got so excited it was difficult to keep my voice from squeaking.  So the big day is Thursday at 10:00.  I'll be sure to post something here when I get home.

10 Minute Intervals -- Day Three -- 667 Calories

Third time is the charm.  Full Incline.  I made the full 90 minutes jogging the last ten minutes--uphill!  So very excited.  This means the next time, the intervals decrease to nine.

10 Minute Intervals -- Day Two

I made it to 86 minutes tonight!  Returned to level incline to finish out the 90 minutes.  It's working, It's working!

Separating Finances

I've decided that if and when I get a job, I'd like to separate our finances.  This is not to say that I will not take the responsibility for paying back my loan.  I will take full responsibility.  However, I'd really like to try splitting up the finances.  Give my husband an opportunity to feel what it feels like to have a little freedom with his money.  Waste it.  Blow it.  Save it.

I think it would be a good experience for him so see.  I've done some research online and found some websites that give some pointers on how to divide up the expenses.  I'm a fan of percentages.  If my percentage of the income is 40%, then I pay 40% of the expenses.  I thought about stuff like groceries and gas.  When one person pays for something, then the other one has to reimburse the other one for the percentage.  I think it would be easier to have our own cars, but that may not happen right away.  I'm really thinking pretty seriously about it.

The last full time job I had I was very close to it when I resented yet another thing of mine being sold to meet expenses.  This time is was another car.  Yes.  I'd had another car of mine sold, and a scooter.  All cash I never saw yet disappeared.