So I'm back in that if/then mood. If I can make it through this class and pass it, I'll figure out this problem with my husband. Why did I make a promise like that? That's just plain dumb. Ending this nonsense would be so much easier, instead, we both go around the house pretending that we don't sleep in separate rooms and it hasn't been over a year since we've had sex and that unless something unforeseen occurs, I'd really like to pack up my proverbial you-know-what and get the hell out-a Dodge. The even sadder part is he knows I plan on leaving when I get done with school and he still goes around acting like it's the Garden of Eden around here.
Instead, I make this promise into the air. If I can pass this class, I'll see about figuring out this crap going on under my roof. Today, the thing that sent me into the next solar system was a comment about some guy that's a "more attentive" father. I wanted to ask him how he could be qualified to make a statement like that. He wasn't an "attentive" father. Just what is that supposed to mean? Geez.
I dont' have the foggiest where to begin, so if I do pass this class, it becomes a question of what to do. I'd really like to seek counseling, for all this anger and bitterness, but I have a feeling I'll still want to leave him even if I'm not angry or bitter. He has disappointed me so many times. Every time he opens his mouth it's disappointing, so I'm in a really bad place to make a promise like that into the air. I kicked myself around for a while and asked myself why I would want to go promising something like that. I really don't know, I guess I was just in the promising mood. I wonder if anybody was paying attention?
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