I'm forced to do a little navel gazing this weekend. What is my/our financial track record? What has proven true with us time and time again? The one thing I can put my finger on is:
Nothing, and I mean nothing, ever, ever goes as planned.
At 46, it appears we have to make "that" decision about life insurance. We had a very meaty policy when our son was young, we were young and allegedly had higher debt. The idea is now to readjust the policy based on the needs forecast for the next 20 years.
These are tough times. Since we started our policy, we bought a much too big house, acquired a car payment we didn't have then and I'm not making any money because I'm unemployed going on five years. We have dipped into our savings (and other people's savings) time and time again. Our son has moved out and created his own life. What does the future hold for us? We do not have 20 years left on our mortgage, I imagine we will have a car payment as it seems we have never been able to go more than a few months without one. What if I get a job? What if I land that dream job that changes our situation forever. Sure would be nice.
The truth is I've had plenty of nice jobs along the way. Great jobs at churches, family owned companies and thriving chains. However nice they were, they were always what I have affectionately come to call "Junk Jobs." Those jobs that come into our life and out of life. That job we "loved" for the first year, but hated by the end of the second. That way too cool job with the great paycheck that didn't have that much responsibility, but ends in a cloud of smoke. I've had them all.
As I'm writing this, I'm thinking of how much more eventful the next 20 years could be. Retirement. A wedding? Grandchild(ren)? Wow, it is so surreal. to think about planning for the next 20 when the first 20 were so bittersweet.
It's a gamble and I don't understand gambling. So What is the answer? Here's what I think about and what others should probably think about.
20 years from now, we will be 66. Close, if not ready, or retired already. We have less than 20 years on our mortgage, so perhaps it will be gone. If we buy again, I imagine it will be a smaller house closer to wherever it is we work. The equity from this house should help us in the purchase of a new house if that day comes.
Another thought: If my husband passes away before my son gets married, I can hold onto the money to help them with their wedding and lives that follow. Make it nice for them both. Is that my place? Am I fulfilling someone else's (my own) dream? Probably. Who cares? My husband died. I can do strange things with the money.
My grandparents on my mother's side died in the seventies. My grandmother on my father's side died of cancer and my grandfather died of complications of Alzheimer's in his early 80s. My husband never knew his grandfathers on both sides and his grandmother on his father's side. His grandmother and aunt died in their 80s. Diabetes, hypertension, stroke, obesity . . . it's all in there. Is this the right thing to be thinking about? Statistically speaking we are looking at an additional 20 years after the next policy expires.
I don't know if I've made an headway here, but my brain hurts thinking about those things no one likes to think about.
What exactly are we insuring? Our future. The one that's left over after one or the other passes on.
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