I don't know what happened tonight. I was fine all morning. I did my sprint. I had a good and healthy lunch, watched a little TV, came back in the computer room, needed to do my P90X for the day and didn't. In the back of my mind I knew I was going to be alone all day. I guess I figured I could do it later. I sat down to study for my A+ and just got angry. I got angrier and angrier. Then the cravings started. Wild crazy cravings for something chocolatey, fattening, sweet, and high calorie. I resisted for about five minutes. I went in the kitchen and opened a tub of icing. Then I ate two spoonfuls. I went back to the computer for about five minutes, came back out and ate two more. By the time all was said and done, I ate six big spoonfuls of chocolate icing probably equaling about 900 calories. I hid the tub in the back of the refrigerator and decided that if my husband found it I would tell him I put the icing on the banana muffins.
You see the idea of binge eating has become foreign to me. I used to binge on sweets and then feel like I was going to die. Over the years of improving my diet and exercise, I've learned I can have a small piece of cake or pie every now and then. I can even keep muffins, cake or pie in the refrigerator and each from it through the weeks. This has been working great. A little hundred calorie bite or two of cake or pie and I'm good. Not this month. Not this week and not today. Something has gone terribly wrong.
I had not experienced binge eating in years. I immediately felt gross and blamed that tub of icing. What triggered this nonsense? I don't know. I only know I felt a consuming heavy cloud of loneliness, sadness and anger--much like when I was a kid. I'm not tired. I won't sleep. I'm going to bed.
Supplemental
Time: 18 minutes
Distance: 1.10
Calories: 143
No comments:
Post a Comment