Fitness Tuesday: Another Bust?

Two weeks have gone by and I've done very little exercising or watching what I eat.  When I got back from vacation I weight 207.5 pounds.  My heaviest has been 213 and I didn't feel as gross as I feel now.  I've started drinking more water and with my treadmill broken have started riding my bike again.  It's a totally different set of muscles.  I didn't realize it when I was doing the running/riding and weight training.  Now that it's been a good two weeks or so since I've done anything with running, my muscle groups feel tired and fatigued even after a short ride.  I've got to re-toughen up my sit bone area as well.  Seems like the older I get, the faster it goes.  Aargh.

I watched an episode of Extreme Makeover.  The one where he spends a year encouraging the person to exercise and eat right.  That was motivating.  I also saw this lady online that lost 200 plus pounds by just eating right and getting out and moving.  That was more motivating because I know some guy coming to my door to adopt me for a year is not going to happen.

It's back on the bicycle tonight and salmon, rice and a veggie for dinner.  We'll see about my "Extreme Makeover".

Back to School: "Basic" Applied Calculus--"I learned it from YouTube"

This is a tough class.  There is nothing basic about it.  I have been consistently behind for the last four days and as usual, there is only 10 days left in the class.  I'm going to try to stay up late tonight and do some work, but I've been having a tough time staying awake late into the wee hours of the morning like I have in the past.  It just messes me up.  I guess that's one of those ways to know I'm no spring chicken.

For the class, I'm in the middle of velocity.  It's not even really the middle.  I'm behind, so I've just started reading the chapter and looking at the videos.  I tell you, YouTube has been a life saver for almost all these math classes.  I have been able to find something for all of them.  I have found the most help from PatrickJMT.  His explanations are a little more down to earth than the teacher/professor format.  The MIT ones.  Holy smokes, I don't see how those kids get anything out of that nonsense.  All that writing and babbling.  No body asks questions.  They're either super super smart (yes) or they do a lot of self study and tutoring.  Those professors are making a decent chunk of change to go on and on about the same thing year after year . . . but then I think they are there to do research and stuff.  The lectures are one of those necessary evils so they can keep their spot at the school and fulfill their own personal agenda.  A least that's what I think.  I don't know that for sure.

Back To School: Basic Applied Calculus

I haven't written a back to school entry in about two months.  That C++ class was pretty traumatic.  I'm two weeks into what is being called Basic Applied Calculus.  To me, it's like a purgatory between Pre-Calculus, Statistics and Calculus I.

I wasn't supposed to need any more maths.  I was supposed to be done, but my Academic Advisor informed me I needed this particular class as a pre-req.  That's not how I understood it when I decided to drop Calculus I at the community college.  If I'd know this class was waiting just around the corner for me, I think I would have kept the one at the community college.

So far it's going OK.  I've made two 100s but they don't seem earned.  The concepts were nothing more than a freakish blend of College Algebra, Pre-Calculus and Elementary Statistics.  This week was a little tougher.  The first assignment I turned in kind of knowing it probably wasn't right, I just didn't know what else to do.  Well, turns out it wasn't even close to what the isntructor wanted.

That has been one of my biggest problems from day one.  Figuring out what the instructor wants and customizing it to the assignment.  In this class, sometimes we can make up our own statistics and sometimes we can't.  Sometimes they don't want an actual answer and sometimes there's a number out there we're just supposed to know.  It's frustrating, but I'll figure it out.

Fitness: My Treadmill Died

I was running a great run.  Yes, I was actually running at 6 mph for a minute with the 90 minute brisk walk interval.  I had just broken a sweat and the thing quit.  I mean it just quit.  It quit so fast if I'd lost my balance I would have run into the control panel.

This is the third treadmill I've bought used and "burned" up.  I actually lubricated this one the best I could.  Without the owners manual I wasn't positive how to do it, but I bought lubricant and sprayed everyting I could find that moved.  I sprayed under the deck the best I could.  I know that ultimately the belt is supposed to come to do it right, but again, without an owner's manual I couldn't be sure how to take it apart and then I wasn't sure I could get it back together.

I don't mind telling you that today I looked at it folded up in the hall ready to go to the trash and I cried.  Like a baby.  I cried not so much because the treadmill was broken, I cried because I'm tired of being just a little over weight, but not tired enough to really do something about it.

There was a time I did a form of the Atkins diet.  I at no bread, no soda, no pasta, no potatoes or rice for a few months and the weight seemed to fall off.  I lost 35 pounds and was down to a size 12.  I shopped for a new concert dress that year and bought a SIZE 12.  I hadn't been a size 12 since before my son was born.  I bought some really cute clothes.  Some little size 14 cargo shorts and cute little short sleeved shirts.  With belts that had funky rivets on them. 

Today, at 205.4, my excuse of being bloated from my period isn't any more than an excuse.  We're so broke right now, any effort on my behalf to save money--like not taking the truck to the lake with my bike--is needed.  The healthy foods, vitamins and lifestyle has gone on the pile as one of the things we can do to save money.

People will say that it doesn't cost anything extra to eat right and get a little exercise.  It does.  When eating right and getting a little exercise works, but not enough, it takes a little more.  It takes healthier and safer choices.  I live in an area surrounded by orange groves and long unpopulated stretches of road.  I just don't feel safe anymore.

I wish I could sit here at my computer and tell you I'm in the pits and will feel better tomorrow, but this has been with me for a while.  A boiling trouble below the surface.  I think the treadmilll breaking and the gaining of something like 8 pounds in the last two months has taken its toll.  I feel fat, I feel ugly and feel llike I don't have a good choice left in the bunch.

I think a little more than just my treadmill died on Sunday.

Never On Sunday: What Is He Thinking

I just read a facbook entry from a friend that claims to be "blessed".  Statements like this interest me.  Like when people say they heard God's voice tell them what they should do or felt the "Holy Spirit" nudge them.  I'm certain within a few percentage points that I've never actually heard God'v voice despite a phase I went through of wanting to hear it pretty bad.  The nudging of the Holy Spirit seems to be more of a nuance than a feeling, so it's quite possible in all my busyness that had the Holy Spirit actually nudge me, I probably didn't recognize it as any more than my inner self.

Now this is not to say that this sort of thing doesn't happen.  It's just never happened to me.  Two of my favorite people on TV, Ken and Gloria Copeland claim both of these things.  Why not?  They've centered their lives around such things.  I'll admit, I'm pretty shamelessly jealous of anyone that claims to have heard or felt any member of the Holy Trinity.  Anyone who has opening prayed in the grocery store or has prayed a child's prayer for a boat and got one ranks up pretty high on my list.

So I return to my facebook friend that is "blessed".  Last night his blessing came in the form of having a son he enjoyed spending time with.  Then of course I wonder if he'd had a son he didn't enjoy spending time with, what would that mean?  Would he have stepped over into the "unblessed" by God crowd?  I don't know.  I'm just sayin'.

This same man has claimed "blessings" on multiple occasions.  A lovely wife, a beautiful home.  A job.  Hmmm.  I also listened to a pastor who claimed to regularly hear God's voice in his study.  A pastor's study is a magical place.  Many things happen there that don't happen too many other places.  This man claims to receive direction on what topics to preach about.  Some undesignated member of the Trinity has contacted him and helped him choose a sermon.

I've prayed longingly for that kind of direction.  I've cried on my face concerning many things.  I've sobbed prostrate on the carpet at the foot of the alter of my church wanting to hear God's voice tell me just one thing.  I laid there on my face for quite some time after the tears would no longer flow and a long string of mucous had made its way to the floor.  Unhappiness and discontentment being the only things directing me.  I didn't hear the voice, but I made the decision I'd hoped He would want at least some input.  Apparently he didn't want input that bad.   I got up, walked away from the one place on this planet I was pretty sure God would be willing to reveal himself.  I quit the job at the church and have drifted fairly aimlessly since.

I can't tell you the jealous rage I have feltt at other's claims to God's wonders.  The blessings, the miracles, the joy and filling.  The Holy Spirit was sent for all of us.  Not to just "nudge" a chosen few that fit some impressive criteria.  I've been promised a comforter.  I've been promised a provider.  I can't seem to tune in to these things no matter how still I sit, how much I cry or how many nights I repeat the same prayer over and over again.

I will interject this.  I've changed.  I've stopped waiting around for God to fulfill some grocery list of needs.  I've stopped waiting for family members to meet my wants and desires.  They aren't going to and  God doesn't appear to be in the business of checking lists.  At the risk of saying something offensive to a reader or even worse, to God.  I'm not sure I know what God is thinking or wants.  I haven't experienced any of those things that others claiming to walk side by side with God have experienced.

You know, there's a possibility that all these sensations, leadings and voices are not from any member of the heavenly sect.  There's even a stronger possibility that there are no angels or demons watching our every mood.  That God is not fretting over us the way we'd like to think he is.  That he doesn't care where we park, what we eat or who we marry.  I can't imagine what it must be like to be the God we've created in our minds and an even bigger statement would be I can't imagine ever claiming to know what he's thinking.

Mental Messages: That Bloated Feeling

This morning I weighed a disappointing 205.4 pounds.  The only reason I'm not any more than disappointed is I think it will go back down.  I take an anti-inflammatory for asundry reproductive organ issues about 24 - 48 hours before I start my period and strive to get a good dosage coursing through my veins by the time the pain hits.  It bloats me so much I can feel it in my eyes, hands and feet.  Worse yet to my psyche, I can see it in the mirror.  My face fills up like a gourd.  My skin tightens.  It's pretty traumatic. 

The weight gain normally amounts to  five to seven pounds.  I try to keep it in perspective when I get on the scale and see it creeping up in the days and hours before it gets here, but it's tough every time.  This time, with school and the stress of other family issues looming over my head, it was especially rough on my ego to see the 205.4 flash below me.  I've kept a constant glass of water by side and ate fresh ice cold watermelon today that was really a nice treat. 

It will pass and I will soon be back to my self again.  Feeling strong of mind, body and spirit, but for now it's a battle not to just curl up in the fetal position under the covers.

Mental Messages: Your Fur Smells Like Sour Spaghetti--Musing About Pets

There's a blog that comes up just about every time I click on next blog.  I wouldn't want to embarass the writer.  I'm sure the entry was written with great excitement and love.  Warm fuzzies on overload.  The top entry is a few weeks old, but features a photo of what I believe to be a poodle of some variety eating what I believe to be birthday cake.  I've never read the article.  My gag reflexes are too strong.

I always assume it's the dog's birthday.  I give the owner credence for not feeding it at the table or counter.

So here's this photo of a dog eating birthday cake.  Innocent enough.  Not for me.   Of the five senses, my sense of smell is probably my second top feature.  Number one being my ears, but that's for another day.  I digress.  This photo of a dog eating his/her cake stimulates an odor memory.  My mother's three little dogs used to smell like sour spaghetti.  Hopefully you're asking me why the dogs periodically smelled like sour spaghetti.

These little dogs were of the long hair variety.  Pekingese, with flat little faces, bulging eyes and grunting snorting little mouths.  I don't remember caring too much for them.  I liked to call them and hear them race down the hallway to my room.  With some speed and accuracy, they could make the top of the bed without breaking too much stride.

When mealtimes were over, my mother would put down plates for them to lick.  I never thought much of this.  It was a way of life.  The dogs licked the plates after dinner.

On a side note, I remember one afternoon when I was in my twenties and visiting my husband at work.  I grabbed a pot out of the kitchen at his work and used it water my dog.  He'd been waiting in the car under a tree, but he was still thirsty.  Some lady there came unglued.  I thought she was being a witch.  In my confident twenties I ignored her.  Looking back, I think she was right.  Although soap and hot water kills pretty much anything, dogs lick their butts and that's gross.  I'll give her that one.

Back to the spaghetti.  On night we had spaghetti--which seems like an awful lot--the dogs would get to lick the spaghetti plates clean.  However, on these nights, their fur would go rancid or something because the odor was overwhelming.  I told my mom not to feed them the spaghetti.  It made their fur around their faces smell.  She looked at my like I had two noses.  I tried to wipe them clean with a washcloth.

Now that's gross.

I added soap.  Nothing seemed to take that smell away.  I hated it.  I'm sure there are a lot of other reasons why I don't like my cats on the counter, or let them eat human food.  For some reason seeing this little dog eating birthday cake over and over again sends my nose into the olfactory stratosphere.

As of my last visit, my parents still give their annoying dog human "type" food.  Two eggs.  That goofy dog gets two eggs most days.  They buy Sam's Choice dog food she can poop out all over the yard because it's full of corn.  Then they give her an egg or two every day.  That means every 12 days they are spending a couple bucks on eggs for this dog.  That's a little over 30 DOZEN eggs for those doing the math.  That's about $75 dollars a year on eggs--for a dog--even if the eggs are cheap.

My counter argument would be to skip the egg, spend the $10 more a month on some decent food.  That will probably slim her down and keep her from pooping 100 times a day.  They don't go for it.  The egg seems to help her--the dog--in some way that only they--my parents--are aware of.

Fitness: Switching Gears--Again

I've always wanted to try a training schedule but could never understand them enough to apply them any more than a few days.  Well, I did find one here.  It's a Couch to 5k plan.  I did a few days of the first week.  In order to do the 3 miles in 30 minutes I want to do, the jogging portion of the plan needs to be at 6 mph.  I did the 60/90 week at 5.5 and it was tough.

I don't know about "Couch to 5k" as described because I've been jogging/running in varying intensities for almost a year and although I haven't really progressed much beyond a sad 17 minute mile, I'm certainly not a couch potato.  This is a tough regime.

I'm going to do this plan for a while.  Something is bettter than nothing.  I may not do it in the 9 weeks because I want to do the 3 miles in 30 minutes.  I've got 12 weeks until the next obstacle race, so I may figure out a way to stretch out he increments a little to give myself and my 45 year old body an opportunity to rise to the occasion.  I don't know, something like turning the alternate three day week into a four day "week" or switch to a 45 second jog for the first week so I can get the speed I am hoping for.

I feel encouraged to have finally found a plan I can understand and maybe even work with.  Here's the link again.  I'll post later what I decided to do about stretching the training into 11 or 12 weeks.

Here is the Couch to 5K Plan link again.

Kitchen Traditions: Stinky Stank

I am obssessed about the way my house smells.  Perhaps it's because I have friends and family whose homes--well--stink.  Like dog, like cigarette smoke, like onions.  You name it.  I have six cats, so I am always tuned in to the way my house smells.  I've got some really great heated wax/oil from Scentsy that I use when I expect company for the evening, but most days I rely on this great new discovery I bought at Pet Supermarket.  (It's about the same price on ebay.  Believe me, I checked!)

Natural Air Sponge Odor Absorber
Stock Photo

A company called Seapro International appear to be the geniuses behind this awesome product.  I don't know what it's made of.  It feels like that spongy stuff you stand on in some public showers or at water theme parks.  Up close it has a kind of baby powder smell that I was not so sure I wanted my house to smell like.  Once the cup is opened and this awesome product goes to work, there's no baby powder smell.  In fact there is no smell at all.

I have one sitting on top of each of my litter boxes and I don't know if this is a coincidence or not, but the sponge I place on smellliest room and most used box is shriveling at a much higher rate than the other.  I'm not sure how this works, so if you want that kind of information, it will have to wait, but for now I highly recommend this over any other odor absorbing/masking thing I've bought to date.

Back To School: Calculus--Well, Almost

I started a semester of Calculus on Sunday.  It's actually Basic Applied Calculus.  I'm not sure what that means for sure.  Perhaps it's like some kind of pergatory between Pre-Calc and Calc.  I just know I don't like that so far I spent a lot of money to do word problems.

That leads me to what appears to be an unrelated topic.  But stay with me.

I'm addicted to the DeMYSTiFieD series.  So I've bought one--if they had one--every time I've taken a course.  In my math journeys, the one DeMYSTiFieD guide I've used again and again has been the math word problems issue.  I bought it used off e-bay.  I've used it to tutor others and myself through College Algebra, PreCalculus, Elementary Statistics and now I have it back out for Calculus.  Word Problems.

math word problems Demystified
Allan G. Bluman
McGraw Hill
ISBN 0-07-144316-9
stock photo

Decimals
Fractions
Percents
Equations
Money
Age
Distance
Mixture
Finance
Lever
Work
Two Equations
Quadratic Equations
Geometry
Probability
Statistics
Other strategies

This is just one of the best ones out there.  Like I said, I've returned to it again and again for myself and for others.

Never On Sunday: An Unlikely Source

I imagine one of these days the bitterness I feel for churches, pastors and organized religion will subside, but for now, my antenna are up and alert when it comes to such things.

I spent the evening with a friend and her daughter.  The friend used to be the assistant principal at my son's (now 23) elementary school, so we've known each other for quite some time.  Her daughter recently entered our lives via her husband.  Not because of, but in spite of.

I always wanted to ask "the question" about her ex husband and what prompted her to leave him after 25 years of marriage, however, I didn't know her well enough yet.  Last night, on a long drive to a musical we were all attending, she spoke of him and her children and I just listened.

Her husband is a mean person.  Self absorbed and self serving.  He is also a Christian.  She spoke of him for many miles as if he was a pastor or had been a pastor.  So I asked her. 

"Is your ex-husband a pastor?"

She answered quickly, "No, he just thinks he is."  The comment from her was so full of resentment I knew the next several miles would be filled with more of her life with him.  Apparently when he wasn't wooing potential Christians, or being a wonderful example of the Christian walk to others, he was emotionally and verbally abusive to the family--their five children and his wife.  Their heated arguments and fighting lasting deep into the night when she chose to stand up to him or long spells of silence when she did not.

Somewhere in there she didn't love him anymore, she didn't blame him, she didn't hate him, but had chosen to leave him.  The adult children were still angry and many had sought counseling.  

I Am Really Grouchy This Morning

Wow, I am crabby.  I'm tired.  I'm back in the phase of not sleeping well and haven't been able to shake this headache  Our cats were out of food yesterday.  I should have made time to go up to the store to pick some up, but my mom called before I left to go to a rehearsal and told me some desparing new about my dad so instead of stopping at the store for cat food, I drove home on the phone talking to her.  I know she must feel frustrated, but this is what life is.  Like it or not, ready or not.

There's also no coffee beans.  This whole idea off running out of things isn't usually that big of a deal except that my family is spoilt.  They know that we won't be out for long, mom will go pick some up.  Whatever "some" happens to be.  I'm a sucker and I don't know how to fix it.

Oh, I hate feeling like this.

Fitness: Treadmill? What Treadmill?

What a defeating week it has been.  The blister started it.  Three days of headaches finished it.  I have not been on the treadmill in a week.  I did stick to the weight training, but have not increased weights or reps this week.

I think I am starting to see a difference in the shape of my arms.  Maybe I'm seeing it because I just want to see it.

202 this morning on the scale.  I don't have anyone to blame but myself.  I have to get back to the cardio tomorrow.  I'm frustrated that I've been "training" for almost 10 months and still can't run any more than I could ten months ago.  I need to do some research on increasing stamina for distance.  Discouragement is not what I need right now.  I need to be finding my second wind and figuring out ways to succeed.

Books and Movies: Does TV Count?

I know this probably sounds a little corny and could be a better use of my time, but I've been watching old episodes of X Files.  I never saw a single episode in the 10 or so years it was airing.  I've always been intrigued by paranormal and supernatural stories, but for some goofy reason, just never watched it.



So, a week or so ago, we started watching the episodes from the beginning.  We're up to the one with the evil set of twins.  Even for 1993, it's pretty good writing.  I think so far, one of the things I can appreciate at this moment is there is no silly attempt at corny computer graphics.



We joke about the awkward attempts at sexual tension between Scully and Mulder.  They're always staying in a hotel somewhere.  He's always in her personal space.  He believes, she doesn't.  Unlikely hero meets reluctant FBI agent.  We know the drill.  So we take it light whenever he gets in her space, or things get less than professional and give each other a side glance and a chuckle.



This is a good show.  I've enjoyed the first dozen or so episodes and I'm looking forward to the next 200.  YIKES.



I normally watch it in the afternoon with my son, but watched a few episodes last night.   It was much creepier with the shades down and all the lights in the house off.  Two cats that as usual slept through it all.  So we give it the thumbs up.  We'll see how I feel about it after 200+ episodes.

Fitness: Little Debbie and my Gigantic Blister

It's Tuesday again.  I have to share some fitness tidbit.  Truth is, that blister I got the middle of last week grounded me.

I did wear some sneaker-type shoes to rehearsal last night and it didn't hurt to walk about 50 yards.  I've got some errands to run this morning and some things to do around here that I've been putting off for close to months.  Forget days and weeks.

I'm in that procrastinating mood I find myself in complete with headache, grogginess, and general impatience.  So I slept in this morning because I could.  Enter the grouchy portion of my mood.  When I feel like this my appetite for real food disappears and is replaced with a ravenous desire for things manufactured by Little Debbie.

However, I will gladly report that I have continued with my weight training.  I have never had a problem finding the desire to do that.  On Sunday I made it to another level of weights.  I managed to do two Lat Pulldowns using the next to the last weight on the stack.  I don't know how much weight this translates to.  I lost the instruction sheet containing the math portion of the exercises a long time ago.  Now I just set a goal to be able to "do" one more than last time knowing I will probably never be able to do them all.  By "them all" I mean all the weights on the stacks.  But then again . . .

My husband says I am pretty much doing it all wrong.  I disagreed.  I think by doing reps with both light and heavy weights I am getting a more broad spectrum workout.  Plus, I really think I need the warm up as my shoulder joint tends to let me know when I've over done it. Although he was probably right for a goal of strength training.  I am trying to smooth out my arms from those terrible bulges that rest somewhere around the elbow to shoulder area and I believe it's working using the combination of low weight high reps and high weight low reps.

Is That So Difficult?: I Just Want His Clothes to Fit

My husband has a flat butt and I'm sick of looking at his pants/jeans sagging like he's wearing a day-old dirty diaper.  Now I know right now that we don't have the money for him to go buy seven new pairs of jeans just because he looks like he's packing a load, but there has to be an answer.  One pair of jeans that actually fit his ass and I'd spend 100 dollars.

I looked at a few "answer" websites that were no help at all.  In fact, I just got angry.  I can't believe these articles actually claim to help a man shop for jeans.  I tell you what I'm looking for, I'm looking for a pair of jeans that fit him.  I don't want to read about snaps, buttons, pockets or stitching.  I don't care about the color of the blue.  I want them to FIT HIM!

It doesn't seem to bother him.  I mention it when his jeans are going especially "droopy drawer" on him.  He laughs it off and tells me that's just the way it is.  I don't think so.  There has to be a men's jean out there designed especially for Flat Ass Syndrome and I don't need to be told to look for a pair of jeans that fits across the behind, because that's what I'm doing.  I'm looking for a pair of jeans that fit him.  Is that so difficult?

I Need a Remedy: A Gigantic Blister

I noticed some soreness in my heel during my walk/run on Tuesday.  I decided to power through it on Wednesday's walk although it was getting pretty stingy by the end of the 3 miles.  I pulled off my sock to find a blister about the size of a 50 cent piece.  It was so tender to the touch I couldn't put a shoe on the next day, so I waited it out.  I thought by Friday I'd be able to put my shoe on with two socks and a nice tight fit, so I tried to walk.  I made it five minutes before the pain was over the top.  I then tried a zero incline.  It still hurt.  The only way it didn't make me want to buckle was walkin gon tip toe.  That just wasn't going to work for another 2.75 miles.

I tried to wear a shoe on Saturday, still no go.  This thing is really bad.  Anyone out there have any suggestions?  I need to get back to wearing shoes and walking as soon as possible.

This morning it is still tender.  I am going to wait until tonight to try to put a shoe on and see.  Grrrr.

Fitness: Best Time 3 Miles in 53 Minutes

That's 1 1/2 miles uphill and 1 1/2 miles level.  It was a bit of a fluke.  I'm spending most off the time around 57 - 63 minutes.  However, I have added a tenth of a mile to the incline portion of the "course".  This week I am walking 1.4 level and 1.6 on full incline.  I am holding on to the rails for dear life, but hope that will soon stop.
I also change it up a bit.  Incline first one day and level terrain first the next day.

Started to really turn up the heat on the weight training and balancing exercises as well.  Doing varying number of sets of 25 calf raises throughout the day.  While I'm cooking.  In the shower.  I try to do the calf raises with my arms at my side to work those balancing muscles in the core.

My muscles are very tight today.  Yesterday was a weight train and walk work out day.  Focusing on the upper body and mostly arms for the sundress I'm working on.

I talk about it a lot in my Sewing Retro! series.  I'm up to something like #5 on it.  That's the link to #1.  I'm planning on wearing it to my niece's outdoor graduation in June.  You'll notice it's sleeveless.  Something I just don't do it go sleeveless in public.  I plan on it June 10.

In my weight training, it takes me about an hour to do it all.  I start with fast reps of low weights and then I do some slow heavy stuff.  I know that the low weights have been proven to not do so much for us.  I use the really low weights like a warm up because I have a really bad shoulder.  I takes the shoulder a very long time to warm up, so I decided to use the super light weights on the same exercises I do the super heavy weights to be sure those specific muscles and joints are warmed up the best they can be.  Since I began doing my workout this way, I have only experienced minor soreness for about 24 hours after an especially tough workout.

Never On Sunday: Trail of Bodies

An uprising in my church caused a few casualties.  People left the church or are not attending until our appointed pastor is transferred, retires or dies.  That's not meant in humor.  A lot of people that love the church and the people of the church really, really don't like our pastor.  In the denomination that I have settled into, pastors are appointed to churches and it pretty much takes an act of God to pry one out.  Well, as pastors go, and I don't mind saying I'm prejudiced--he's an idiot--but he does claim to be a "Man of God", so I address that precarious position when one claims the "Man of God" position.  How does one make the differentiation between, "I am a Man of God and you, well, you are a, well, a parishioner".

Ouch.

"I have been to seminary to learn amazing facts and figures about the Bible and Biblical times.  I know how to deliver a metaphor, an analogy and an allegory.  I can wrap up a sermon with a story that will bring tears to your eyes.  In another career, I could probably sell you anything I set my mind to.  You, well, you are a parishioner."

Ouch.

"I can approach the pulpit weekly and speak of the mysteries of the Bible while you dutifully take notes on the little printouts I have given you.  You can follow along with the sermon on the power point presentation our secretary made for me.  The 20 minutes I speak to you about these mysterious truths and miracles and my vast knowledge are so much more important than what goes on here the other six and a half days of the week, I will promptly figure out others who can take my place for all those other things going on here.  Meanwhile, I am your pastor.  I am inspired by God to bring you His Word.  I don't think I'm interested in doing anything that is actually pastoral."

Ouch.

You know, that's not what I get from all this.  What I get is that it's supposed to be simple, free, life changing and hope renewing.  I'm supposed to be able to read the Bible for myself and have the Holy Spirit guide me to the truths He has for me for that day.  I think we all have the potential to be men and women "of" God.  I think the Bible is a very long book that written so very long ago pertaining to a world that is so very different from ours.

I've met many, many people that have been victims of the church but none that have been victims of Christianity.  It's time churches and pastors figure out what they are here for.  How can they contribute to a community in such a way that is not already followed out with a community center, clubs and theme parks?  It's a tough row to hoe, but I think the church can turn it around and stop leaving a trail of bodies when they realize their position and stand up for it.

Winter of Our Discontent: Undeniably in Love

 I saw them last night at a concert.  They were cheesily, unashamedly, can't-look-away, why-don't-they-get-a-room, in love and they were quite possibly the ugliest couple on the planet.  Her nose was so big it seemed to pull her upper lip away from her teeth.  He hair was shocking and curly.  Not that sexy, Andie MacDowell-from-the-80s curly either.  This was finger in a light socket curly and pulled back in a tight pony tail behind her head so it formed a sort of frizzy fallen halo around her like byzantine art.  When she spoke she had an obvious speech impediment.  Maybe it was her nose.

He was no catch either.  His afro-like reddish blonde hair seemed dirty and sweaty like the rest of him.  His fat seemed to hang to somewhere around his thighs.  He was wearing a generic rock groupie T-shirt from a group I didn't recognize.  His oily face was peppered with light freckles that just didn't seem to go with his joke of a "bad boy" image from the neck down.  He had a slouch and a smile that creeped me out.  Like if I had a daughter, I'd never let her out of the house because of his smile.  But these two were in love.

They couldn't have been more than 17.

There was an equally unattractive parent gushing about a "promise ring" that had been presented the night before.  These two had found each other.  What were the odds?  These two equally ugly people finding each other in this crazy mixed up world fixated on appearance.  Putting aside the idea that they were most likely minors, there was no way these two young people weren't doin' it and doin' it with regularity.  Mom seemed to think it was awesome.  These two "finding" each other.  I was kind of grossed out.

So we walked back to our car.  Me in my high-heels, matching purse, dress pants and dressy top.  I thought about my sun-kissed blond hair that curled so nice in the night's humidity.  I looked at the profile of my husband.  His temples beginning to gray and the confidence it must take to accept that receding hairline.

I think we are a nice looking couple.  We were handsome in our 20s and 30s.  Now we have a luxurious maturity and comortableness about us that might make other young people want to be like us "some day".  But I don't know what it feels like to love "in spite of".

To love in spite of body flaws or odor.  A nose that makes people point or hair that encourages pity.  To love someone with a concert t-shirt wardrobe and a short attention span.  I decided on the way home, that to love in spite of these things would surely mean you were undeniably in love.