Doctor, Doctor -- A Lesson in You Can Never Be Me -- Prt. 1

Lately, when I see an advertisement with patients gushing about how important their doctors make them feel, I want to throw up.  I become physically ill.  Here's the sign I'm holding up:

WAKE UP, IT'S NOT YOU THEY CARE ABOUT, IT'S YOUR INSURANCE MONEY!

I don't have a doctor, but I do have a dentist.  Due to some genetic problems (which after this last month I'm beginning to question) with my teeth I have to go to the dentist every three months.  On my last visit the hygienist was alarmed at an alleged increase in some of the pockets around my teeth.  I wasn't too worried, I'd been through this before.  They stick that probe into the gum beside every single one of my teeth in three places on each side.  That's six times for those of you not keeping track.  They find something to focus on and want to swoop in with the cavalry.  Well, it happened again, except this time it was a financial disaster.  Ended up costing me hundreds of dollars I don't have.

The hygienist decided she needed a second opinion.  Here comes the doctor.  He wants me to go back to the periodontist that I left for trying to do the very thing I'm about to fall victim to once again.  I'm tired.  I'm beat down from school.  He wants me to go to the periodontist.  I tell them I can't do it unless it's covered.  They scramble to make some phone calls and everything is "covered."  The catch is I need a new set of x-rays.  I have a lunch appointment, I so I go can come back.  The doctor comes in again and asks me yet again if I want to go to the periodontist.  My dentist is concerned about my teeth.  I agree to go for the second time.

Six Minutes - Day 4 - Ho Hum

This was one of those set my goal, achieve it and go on.  My energy just wasn't there to push like I would have liked.  I made it one minute longer--or further--however one wants to think of it.  I made it and quit.

Duration: 90
Run Time: 70
Calories: 523
Distance: 4.03
Incline: 43/level
Average speed: 2.68

700 calorie mark: 117 minutes

Six Minutes Day 3 - What is wrong?

I didn't include yesterday that I had decided on a 700 calorie goal this week.  700 calories or 90 minutes whatever comes last.  I probably didn't include it because I was so tired.  Here's my so-called progress for the day.

Duration: 90
Run Time: 68
Distance: 4.17
Calories: 544
Incline: 42/level
Average speed: 2.78

Time to 700 calories: 114 minutes.  That pretty good yesterday was 121.  I feel like my legs a glued to the treadmill.

Six Minutes Day 2 - Haven't Run in Seven Days

This has been the last week of a very tough class.  I've spent a lot of time working on papers and trying to keep my head above water.  I did find time to run today, so here are my stats.  This was the second night to do six minute intervals.  It didn't go so well.  I'm thinking it is because I haven't run in a week.

Duration: 90
Run Time: 68
Calories: ??
Incline: 41/level
Distance:3.78
Average speed: 2.78 mph

Not very good.  I've been having some discomfort in my chest.  I know it's not a heart attack, it's probably stress.  Stress?  Who has stress?

Blue Valentine

Finally finished Blue Valentine with Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams.  What an interesting movie.  One of those movies that leaves the viewer waiting for a resolution that is never going to come.  Sorry for the spoiler, but this is a true to life movie.  The main characters don't figure it out.  There is no happy or sad ending, it's just a glimpse into what we already know.  Maybe that's why the movie didn't rise to the top of the pack.  It never was a feel good or a feel bad movie, it was a movie that made us look at ourselves, not in a different way, the way we're supposed to.  I liked it.  I liked the sense of loss I felt for the characters and for the situation.  No gloom and doom, just a big fat jagged little pill dose of true reality.

First Day of Six Minute Intervals

Maybe it was the newness, but I made it to 78 minutes the first night of this new workout.  I walked it out to the 600 calories.  I was surprised I made it as long as I did.  As it was I probably could have made it further, but I made it to my goal for the first night, so I let it go.

Duration: 78/90
Interval: 6
Distance: 4.17
Incline: 32/level
Calories: 543
Average Speed: 2.78

Last Night

Well, I made it.  I promised myself seven days of seven intervals and I did it.  I missed some days, should have been done two days ago, but I made it.  Tomorrow starts six minute intervals.  My goal is to work up to the 90 minute workout then complete it seven days in a row.  This is amazing on July 1 I will start a new workout.  I wonder how long it will take me to build up?  I excited!

Duration: 94/90
Interval: 7
incline: 30/level
Calories: 600
Distance:4.61
Average Speed: 3.07

Not as eventful a run as last time.  I did, however, run for two minutes at 5 mph at the end of the workout.  I had already jogged for about a half hour and I clicked it up one more notch and ran 5.1 mph for two minutes.  The plan for tomorrow is to make it 78 minutes.

One More Day

I can't believe I wasn't going to run tonight.  I got done with my homework very late and decided, what the heck?  I ran after midnight!  I was just going to take it easy and walk the 600 calories if needed.  I ended up having the best night since I started back after the injury.  Look at these impressive stats.

Duration: 90
Interval: 7
Incline: 20/level
Distance: 4.72
Calories: 615
Average Speed:  3.15 mph

Not sure what was going on there.  I ran for a full minute without holding on at 5.2 mph, then walked it out for about five minutes and ended up with 4.8+ miles at 95 minutes!  Best thing I can figure is I might have accidentally gone up two clicks at some point instead of one.  Just shows I can do it.

The disclaimer is I was worn out early in the workout so I had to hold on a little, but comparatively speaking I might have held on for maybe six to eight minutes of the full 90 minutes.  One more day and I am ready to graduate to SIX MINUTES!!

Sitting In a Vehicle All Day

I didn't have time to run today.  Well, that's not completely true, I probably could have run but I took the in-laws to the airport.  Left at 9:30 this morning and didn't get home until 4:30.  Went to Ruby Tuesday's.  Really bad headache came on about 5:00 and never really went away.

However, I had the Gumbo which was listed as "new" on the menu.  I really liked it.  It was an excellent amount of heat and spices.  On the other hand, the Perkin's country fried steak I had on the way to the airport left more than a little to be desired.  It kind of tasted like school cafeteria food.  Isn't that interesting.  Both ends of the spectrum today.

Day Five

A good night.  For some reason, I cut eight minutes off my time?  I'll take it.

Duration: 92/90
Interval: 7
Incline: 7/level
Distance: 4.61

Calories: 600
Average Speed: 3.07 mph

Broke back through the three mph barrier tonight.  Next goal is 4 mph.

Fourth Day

This was my fourth out of seven times to successfully run the seven minute intervals.  It was still a challenge, but the psychology behind have already done it before is very helpful.

Duration: 100
Run Time: 90
Incline: 25/level
Interval: 7
Distance: 4.63
Calories: 600
Average Speed: 2.778

This is my halfway mark.  Three more times and I get to progress to six minute.  I need to look and see what the record was for six minutes.  I think it was something like 82 or 85 minutes.  If I do this right I could be on six minute intervals by Saturday.

A Matter of Opinion

I got a grade back from a facilitator last night.  88.5.  He plastered the first two pages of the paper with all kinds of comments and opinions I didn't agree with, then he didn't write anything else.  His last comment on the last last page was that the paper was "rough"but headed in the right direction.

I'm over it.  I had anther facilitator that graded me hard on my papers and I agreed with him.  My writing improved over the semester and I liked the challenge.  However, I'm not so sure that most of what this guy wrote wasn't anything more than opinion.  There wasn't anything hugely grammatical wrong with the paper.  He marked me off on some passive stuff I agree with, but at the same time, he had negative comments on some wording that the proofreader suggested.  I sat there for a few minutes after I'd read through the critique and saw I had a medium-high B.  There was this "What?."  Kind of word in my head.  Complete with both a period and a question mark because I knew but I didn't know, believed but didn't.

The problem with getting this kind of feedback is I'm not challenged to improve like last time, I just start wishing it was over sooner.  Oh well, only seven weeks left.

Day Three! Four Days To Go

I'm agreeing with my plan to stick to the seven minutes interval. Even thought I didn't run yesterday, it felt like it might have been a little easier.  I'm hoping by Thursday I'll be itching to run faster and farther!

Duration: 100
Run: 90
Interval: 7
Distance: 4.62
Calories: 600
Incline: 23/level
Average Speed: 2.77

I lost 1/10 of a mile in speed from the 21st.  Does that mean it will take ten days to lose one mile per hour?  Makes sense.  My then, I will be well into six minutes intervals, so maybe that will make up for it.  What I am looking for right now is feeling the seven minute interval get easier.

Under His Breath

I love the things people say "under their breath."  Those things they want to say and want you to hear, but they are too afraid or they know it's wrong.  That mumbling from the kitchen, bathroom, or bedroom you know you heard and you know what you heard.  You weren't supposed to hear it, but you did, so you pretend you didn't, but now you know.  If they knew you knew, it would be really bad for a while maybe a day, maybe a week.

I think a lot of things a person says under their breath stems from some sense of unfairness.  He did that, she did that--or didn't.  He always does that, she always does that.  So while he's in the kitchen, unloading the dishwasher because he's convinced he does it "all the time" or he ends up having to do "everything around here"  while she sits in front of the computer.  Maybe as he was walking over to clean after dinner he was hoping the dishwasher was emptied.  Maybe just maybe . . .

It doesn't matter that nine times out of ten it is empty.  And that there are many days of the week I empty run the dishwasher during the day.  What matters is that moment, that right now that seems like all the time.

Why say anything?  Because what you are saying under your breath sounds silly enough or trivial enough or immature enough.  Maybe it will start World War III.  Who knows?

My mom was one to do that.  She'd mutter, fuss, and mumble.  Talk to the walls in the kitchen out of frustration about God only knows what.  I'm not a mumbler, mutterer, or fusser.  I know what I know.  I know that life isn't fair.  Nobody cares as much about you as you do.  People, even our families, will use us if you let them.  If I choose not to say anything, it's my fault, not theirs.

Done! Five More Times To Go

Day two of completing seven minutes intervals.  Knowing I'd already done it twice before, yesterday and before I hurt myself made it seem a little easier.  I was still sweaty and tired, but I made it without feeling like I might pass out.

Duration: 99
Run: 90
Interval: 7
Incline: 21/level
Calories: 600
Distance: 4.61
Average Speed: 2.79 mph

Still increasing the incline.  It seems to be slowing down the average speed.  I'll see what tomorrow looks like.  It may just have to be one of those tradeoffs in getting the 600 calories.

Repeat Performance

Tonight I re-mastered the seven minute interval and made 600 calories.  As I already decided, I'm going to do that for seven nights before I move on to the six minutes intervals.  This is a slow process.  I hope my treadmill holds out.  Last night, I began to fear it might give out before I am able to meet my seven mile goal.

Duration: 97
Run: 90
Distance: 4.63
Calories: 600
Incline: 20/level
Average speed: 2.86 mph

Movie: Take Me Home

I watched a very good movie today.  Thumbs up all around.  It was a so called "Indie Flick."  Take Me Home.  It was under the "Feel Good Movies" section on Netflix.  I was home alone with no guys around to tease me for having feelings, so I clicked on it and was sucked in immediately.  The end is predictable and surprising.  Sam Jaegar directed and starred in it.  He plays the cab driver and surprise, surprise, his wife Amber Jaegar plays the costar.  What a sweet little movie to enjoy on an afternoon alone away from men.

Another Good Run

Hopefully I am over another psychological hump.  This time I didn't give up.  I just cut back, ran a little slower, and waited to want to be challenged again.  I knew I was ready to be challenged when I wanted to run farther than I planned.  I decided to quit at the point I had planned so I would be ready for tomorrow.  I'm sticking to my goal to successfully run the seven minutes interval for seven days.

Weight:  Forgot to weigh

Duration: 84/90
Interval: 7
Incline: 19/level
Calories: 520
Distance: 4.00 EXACTLY!
Average Speed: 2.67 mph

I've decided to work up to scheduling a 550 calorie run for mini-goal.  When I reach that, I will walk off the extra 50 to make 600.  Hope that makes sense.  I had a good day.  Did a little more of nothing today and felt a little relief from that oppressive feeling I've been experiencing for days.  I didn't feel as drugged today, so I didn't take a nap.  I need to start tracking when I feel the way I felt for the last four or five days to see if it's cyclical.

Up All Night

I was up until 3:00 this morning working on my paper for the week.  It was 1400 words long.  I wanted it to be perfect, but I ran out of time.  I'm going to stay in bed tomorrow until I get my eight hours.  I've been so tired.  Officially eight weeks left of school and I will have my degree after 18 years.

A Good Run

Well, it wasn't the six minute record from a few weeks ago, but I ran and clocked in my 500 calories.  I haven't been doing my trilogy workout.  I hope to get back to that tomorrow.  That run down feeling is not going away.  I've tried eating more, sleeping more, and every other combination I can think of.  I got eight hours last night and a nap.  I just feel like I could sleep forever at any moment.  Yesterday I slept deep enough in an hour to dream.

Weight: 174.6

Duration: 97
Incline: 18/level
Interval: 7
Distance: 3.85
Calories: 500
Average Speed: 2.38 mph