Why Didn't I Feel Anything?

A sibling was in a car accident last night.  I read it on facebook.  Why didn't I feel anything?  Why wasn't I concerned?  Could it be as simple as the fact that she must be OK or she wouldn't be posting stuff on facebook?  I don't know.  It bothers me that I don't care the way other people seem to.  Her friends were more interested in her post than I was.  Her friends were more interested in her tragedy than I was.  Should I want to be there for her?  Shouldn't I want  to call her and see if she's well--if I can do anything?  Instead I just logged out and didn't give it a second thought until I decided to do a little blogging.  What happened between us?

I remember taking a bat to her in late elementary school.  I gave her a bloody nose.  She laid down on the floor in the bathroom.  My mother didn't do anything.  I didn't get punished.  I don't remember even being afraid of being punished.  I remember my mother saying she had it coming.  What had she been doing to me?

The was another time I had the same sister by the hair when I came home to find her wearing something of mine without asking.  I was sitting on her and according to my mother I was banging her head on the floor.  Again, I don't remember getting punished and I don't remember a big deal over the whole thing.  I remember my mother saying she knew this day would come.

I had no memory of it, but one time, this same sister apologized to me for something I couldn't remember.  Apparently, my mother had baked and iced a cake and she had been told to keep her fingers out of it.  Well, like all small children, that's just an invitation.  She swiped the side of the cake and ate the icing.  When my mother found the trangression, my sister lied and told her that I had done it.  I got the spanking.  In my house spankings were not tools for discipline.  It was always crazy when it was time to spank us.  There was a lot of crying and begging and more crying.  To this day, I wonder what the neighbors thought.