A picture a sibling posted on facebook has me thinking--a lot. I'm about 3 or 4 years old, it is Christmas and I am disappointed. Plainly and clearly disappointed. Meanwhile another sibling--not the one that posted the photo. Is in the bottom corner of the photo looking happy and satisfied. I am disappointed.
I also notice that I am undeniably chunky. A round face, round belly and chubby hands. I've seen pictures of myself as a little girl many times and noticed that my early childhood years were chubby years. I slimmed down by the time I was in late elementary school, but not enough to open the doors to opportunity.
I remember now the lisp I had as late as 3rd or 4th grade. I remember the teacher pointing it out to my mother and my mother being surprised to hear I had a lisp. I clearly had a lisp. I also remember the day it was discovered I would wear glasses for the rest of my life. My mother and I were riding around looking for an address. She asked me to tell her the name of a street and I couldn't see it.
I put all these things together and I think. I think about how I must have been to my fellow classmates. Small but just a little chubby. Glasses. Unruly blonde hair. How these things add up, I don't know, but it's a possible portal into why I am the way I am.
I guess seeing that disappointment on my face at such a tiny little girl made me realize that I have a lifetime of unmet expectations. That little moment in time says so much to me about what I need to do to change what time I do have left on this earth.
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