Where do they go to shed this weight of being a woman? This heavy burden of being "emotional", "moody", "flighty", "quirky"--the list goes on. Some times I just don't want to exist anymore. It's so heavy on my soul today, I really have to keep going just to survive. I don't know who to be, how to be, or what to be. I'm so frustrated with the world around me. I try not to be weak and I get abandoned. I try to be decisive and I get rebellion. I try to be firm and I get attitude. I try to be clean and organized and I get disrespected. I try to include and end up being excluded. I try to not talk and I get ignored. I try to talk and get interrupted.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I have no one. Everyone is so busy. I have opened up to a few people in my life and was met with disinterest. People I thought loved me and cared about me are just too busy to deal with me. It's your decision. Just pick yourself up. What are you complaining about? At least this, at least that. I want to crawl on a rooftop and tell the world I am dying inside from trying to figure out what to do, how to be, what to be . . .maybe someone would notice what it has felt like to be me. Even if for a brief moment.
This is not how it was supposed to be.
I once dreamed. I dreamed of family, of happiness, and of satisfaction. I dreamed of holidays, vacations, plans and change. I hoped for the future and reveled in the past. My days were filled with pleasing those I loved. Now I wonder what those I love fill their days with.
No comments:
Post a Comment