My last writing on this topic was a little over a year ago. I didn't write about it when it happened, but I saw him. I saw him at a restaurant last summer. It's probably been about nine months. I really didn't know how I was going to be. I remembered how he'd promised me he could be "discreet". He'd told me if we crossed paths in public, he'd never give me away. I thought about how that promise had been the beginning of our end. I'd spent my life being ignored, why would I want another person in my life to act like I didn't exist?
I was having lunch with a special friend of mine--a lady. We entered the restaurant and I saw him almost right away. He was sitting with what I immediately recognized as co-workers from when we were together. Lots of "frumpy old bitties" that I knew hated him for all his annoying habits. I wanted to put my back to him but my friend sat in the booth with her back to me, so unless I wanted to sit next to her, I was stuck facing him.
Fast forward through our lunch. I kept the conversation lively so I could justify focusing on her and not on the rest of the room. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the "party" he was with was breaking up. The ladies were gathering their over-sized purses and sweaters they saved for eating out when it was cold in a restaurant. I saw him get up and he was walking my way. He'd left the restaurant and I breathed a sigh of relief.
I was mistaken.
After the table had emptied out and the group had dispersed, several minutes later, he appeared at my table. Obviously a few pounds lighter, without his nerdy spectacles, embarrassing "almost" mullet, and he was speaking to me. I thought I might throw up.
He asked me if I'd "taken care of" my situation. Later, when I realized what he meant, I couldn't believe he was asking me about this in such a bold manner! Right here in front of my friend he was asking me if I was still married. Luckily I didn't catch on right away and told him I'd transferred and found the new location much more to my liking. The people I was working with and the atmosphere was much better suited to my liking. I felt put upon and awkward. What was I supposed to say?
As he walked away, I hoped he felt stupid for approaching me. I hoped he was disappointed that I'd moved on and didn't care about him. I wanted him to feel silly and embarrassed. I wanted him to get out to his car and feel frustrated. I wanted him to feel DUMPED.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
43 Pounds Lost! Discover an Answer
Well, it is fitting after a year away from blogging, the first thing I do is write about my 43 lost pounds. I have tried off and on for about three or four years to lose weight. I found an old graph in January 2011 that told the story of being unsuccessful. In January 2011 I weighed 208 pounds, the weight fluctuated between there and 216. In January 2012, the graph still read 208 pounds. I believe I was done fooling around. Everyone has to have that moment that they say this is really, really dumb.
I 'd told myself over and over, I had "narrow" shoulders, I had "fat" arms, I was a "big" girl. The excuses just kept coming. Creeping up on a size 20+, at 5'5" (what some might consider on the verge of being petite) something had to change. July of 2012 I discovered the much overlooked understated mantra:
"Calories in, Calories out."
I began to use a calorie counting website July 31, 2012. Caloriecount.com has been the answer. The only answer. In six months I have lost more weight than I lost in the other two-plus years of trying to exercise enough to justify eating whatever I want.
I learned through process of elimination, for me, it's going to be a pound and a half at a time and not without sacrifice. I can't "not eat" and lose weight. when I eat about 1200 - 1500 calories a day, I lose weight. If I eat more, I don't lose. If I eat less, I gain. Yes. That's right. I gain. I try for about 600 - 800 calories of activity a day for between five to six days a week. When I'm tired or don't feel like it, I don't. I double up in a few days or just don't worry about it. Still, I've lost about three and a half pounds a month for the past six months. For now, I have plateaued at the the 170 mark. Everyday I think "this is the day I will weigh 169", the scale reads 171, 172, or the mind screaming, 170.2
Based on the calculations on the website, I do best at about 700 - 800 calorie deficit. I try for a 1,000 calorie a day deficit and I get grouchy, weak, and can't work out at my best.
My suggestion for everyone is to skip the schemes and pills. Join something that counts the calories for you, take a thirty minute walk or an hour bike ride on the weekend. Remember, you have to want this for yourself and be willing to do this even when no one else cares or notices.
I 'd told myself over and over, I had "narrow" shoulders, I had "fat" arms, I was a "big" girl. The excuses just kept coming. Creeping up on a size 20+, at 5'5" (what some might consider on the verge of being petite) something had to change. July of 2012 I discovered the much overlooked understated mantra:
"Calories in, Calories out."
I began to use a calorie counting website July 31, 2012. Caloriecount.com has been the answer. The only answer. In six months I have lost more weight than I lost in the other two-plus years of trying to exercise enough to justify eating whatever I want.
I learned through process of elimination, for me, it's going to be a pound and a half at a time and not without sacrifice. I can't "not eat" and lose weight. when I eat about 1200 - 1500 calories a day, I lose weight. If I eat more, I don't lose. If I eat less, I gain. Yes. That's right. I gain. I try for about 600 - 800 calories of activity a day for between five to six days a week. When I'm tired or don't feel like it, I don't. I double up in a few days or just don't worry about it. Still, I've lost about three and a half pounds a month for the past six months. For now, I have plateaued at the the 170 mark. Everyday I think "this is the day I will weigh 169", the scale reads 171, 172, or the mind screaming, 170.2
Based on the calculations on the website, I do best at about 700 - 800 calorie deficit. I try for a 1,000 calorie a day deficit and I get grouchy, weak, and can't work out at my best.
My suggestion for everyone is to skip the schemes and pills. Join something that counts the calories for you, take a thirty minute walk or an hour bike ride on the weekend. Remember, you have to want this for yourself and be willing to do this even when no one else cares or notices.
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